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Post by Teresa on May 18, 2005 19:32:16 GMT 3
Writing a thesis............
SCENE: It's a fine sunny day in the forest, and a rabbit is sitting outside
his burrow, tippy-tapping on his typewriter.
Along comes a fox, out for a walk.
FOX: "What are you working on?"
RABBIT: "My thesis."
FOX: "Hmm. What's it about?"
RABBIT: "Oh, I'm writing about how rabbits eat foxes."
(incredulous pause)
FOX: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that rabbits don't eat foxes."
RABBIT: "Sure they do, and I can prove it. Come with me."
They both disappear into the rabbit's burrow. After a few minutes, the
rabbit returns, alone, to his typewriter and resumes typing.
Soon, a wolf comes along and stops to watch the hard- working rabbit.
WOLF: "What's that you're writing?"
RABBIT: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat wolves."
(loud guffaws)
WOLF: "You don't expect to get such rubbish published, do you?"
RABBIT: "No problem. Do you want to see why?"
The rabbit and the wolf go into the burrow, and again the rabbit returns by
himself, after a few minutes, and goes back to typing.
SCENE: Inside the rabbit's burrow. In one corner, there is a pile of fox
bones. In another corner, a pile of wolf bones. On the other side of the
room a huge lion is belching and picking his teeth.
(The End)
MORAL: It doesn't matter what you choose for a thesis subject. It doesn't
matter what you use for data. What does matter is who you have for a thesis
advisor.
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Post by Teresa on May 18, 2005 20:03:55 GMT 3
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he
would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business
flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote
on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew
she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was
9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why
his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The
paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests. God may have created man
before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
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Post by Teresa on May 18, 2005 20:04:44 GMT 3
Subject: The BULL
A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of the first exhibits they stopped
at was the breeding bulls. They went up to the first pen and there was a sign
attached that said, "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife playfully
nudged her husband in the ribs and said, "He mated 50 times last year." They
walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said,
"This bull mated 120 times last year. " The wife gave her husband a healthy
jab and said, "That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from
him."
They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in
capital letters, "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife, so excited
that her elbow nearly broke her husband's ribs, said, "That's once a day! You
could REALLY learn something from this one."
The husband looked at her and said, "Go over and ask him if it
was with the same cow."
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Post by lau on May 18, 2005 21:08:30 GMT 3
MORAL: It doesn't matter what you choose for a thesis subject. It doesn't matter what you use for data. What does matter is who you have for a thesis advisor. ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D  I have to choose a supervisor for my thesis in the next months...... I´ll be thinking about this, Teresa  |
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Post by annie on May 19, 2005 3:25:10 GMT 3
ROTFLMAO... ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D thanks for those Teresa...made my day! LOL...i like the 2nd one best... |
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Karen
Full Member
Posts: 493
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Post by Karen on May 19, 2005 23:19:58 GMT 3
I like the 2nd one best but all three definetly made my day. Keep'em coming Teresa ;D
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Post by annie on May 20, 2005 11:37:51 GMT 3
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! ROTFLMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;D ;D ;D Thanks Teresa, I am dying here...LOL  |
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Post by Teresa on May 20, 2005 22:21:49 GMT 3
True Friend
A girl asked a guy if he thought she was pretty, He said...no.
She asked him if he would want to be with her forever... and he said no.
She then asked him if she were to leave would he cry, and once again he replied with a no.
She had heard enough. As she walked away, tears streaming down her face the boy grabbed her arm and said....
You're not pretty you're beautiful.
I don't want to be with you forever, I NEED to be with you forever.
And I wouldn't cry if you walked away...I'd die...
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Post by Teresa on May 20, 2005 22:22:59 GMT 3
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he
laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't
expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless
I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing
and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard
time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will
be sex here at seven o'clock every night whether you're here or not."
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Post by Teresa on May 20, 2005 22:24:06 GMT 3
Subject: kleptomaniac
A kleptomaniac woman had been caught shoplifting in a supermarket and had to appear in court,taking along the long-suffering husband for maritial support.
The prosecution proved that the theft had taken place,so the judge told her that,considering her record,he was forced to impose a jail term.
This time you stole a can of tomatoes.Let us suppose that there were six(6) tomatoes in the can...Do you agree?
The Woman Agreed.
Then i sentence you to six(6) nights in Jail.
The husband jumped to his feet..addressing the judge...Your honour,may i approach the bench?
Well,said the Judge...this is something unusual,but i will make an exception in this cas....You may approach the bench.
The husband wasted no time getting there and leaning forward,he said in a low voice.
"She also Stole a Can Of Peas"........
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Post by annie on May 24, 2005 8:59:02 GMT 3
True Friend A girl asked a guy if he thought she was pretty, He said...no. She asked him if he would want to be with her forever... and he said no. She then asked him if she were to leave would he cry, and once again he replied with a no. She had heard enough. As she walked away, tears streaming down her face the boy grabbed her arm and said.... You're not pretty you're beautiful. I don't want to be with you forever, I NEED to be with you forever. And I wouldn't cry if you walked away...I'd die... awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww that's sooooo cute |
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Post by annie on May 24, 2005 11:59:52 GMT 3
i've got a story...it's a sad one so go get some tissue!!!
One dark, rainy night, a couple was riding a motorcycle.
The guy was driving and the girl was behind him.
They were going really fast and the girl was starting to get really scared.
She told the guy: "Honey, slow down..." but the guy didn't slow down or even answered.
She said again: "Honey, please slow down...you're scaring me"
but the guy didn't slow down...
instead he said: "Do you love me?"
"Yes, i do" said the girl...
"Then, say that you love me." said the guy..
"I love you, Honey." said the girl...
Then the guy said: "I love you too, honey. now, take my helmet off and put it on you. and hold on to me tight. okay?"
the next morning, they found a motorcycle crashed into bits and a body of a guy without a helmet. the girl was there, alive and well with only a few scratches.
See, the guy knew the brakes of the motorcycle was gone but he didn't want to frighten the girl. instead, he asked her to tell him she loved him just to hear it for the last time, gave her his helmet to protect her from harm and asked her to hold him for the last time.
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Post by Teresa on May 24, 2005 15:22:17 GMT 3
Lord annie That is sad  but beautiful |
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Post by annie on May 24, 2005 15:23:25 GMT 3
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Anuska
Junior Member
Posts: 93
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Post by Anuska on May 24, 2005 23:29:06 GMT 3
My ain't so sad, but a bit feministic (not sure if there is that word in english didn't check in a dictonary  ) Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple; and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident. Question: Who was the survivor? Answer: The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man! |
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but beautiful 
)