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Post by maryb on Mar 29, 2007 23:31:50 GMT 3
When Dan found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.
One evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.
"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her "but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."
Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening and, three days later, she became his stepmother.
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Post by annie on Mar 31, 2007 0:00:26 GMT 3
I went to the hospital, the doctor said i have a heart condition and have only two choices.
"Either I C U, or U C Me." He said.
Now, that's a pick up line!!!
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Post by annie on Mar 31, 2007 20:01:03 GMT 3
For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free. Here's an update for you: Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.
Men are like....
1. Men are like ...Laxatives ...... They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like......Bananas ....... The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like ......Weather . Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like .......Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like .....Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like ...Commercials....... You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
8. Men are like .....Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like .....Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like .Popcorn .... They satisfy you, but only for a little w hile.
11. Men are like Snowstorms .... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like ........Lava Lamps .... Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like Parking Spots . All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.
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Post by maryb on Apr 11, 2007 23:22:33 GMT 3
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.
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Post by Mrs. Fabregas on Apr 18, 2007 0:00:25 GMT 3
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Post by Annie on Apr 18, 2007 10:14:29 GMT 3
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband. AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!  |
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Post by Annie on Apr 18, 2007 15:18:29 GMT 3
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Post by jenhatter06 on Apr 18, 2007 17:02:53 GMT 3
passing along this funny quirk with Google Maps: go here: maps.google.com/mapsget directions for New York, New York to London, England scroll down and check out Step #23  ;D |
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Post by maryb on Apr 23, 2007 0:29:57 GMT 3
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful woman waving at him and she says hello.
He's rather taken back, because he can't place where he knows her. So he says, "Do you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?"
She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's kindergarten teacher."
LMAO ;D
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Post by jenhatter06 on Apr 27, 2007 3:37:25 GMT 3
true story from a teacher at the elementary school my mom volunteers at ...
The teacher had her class do some mental math, and explained to them what exactly that meant -- figuring out the problem in your head. When they were done, one student's paper was completely blank. When asked what happened, the student said that since it was mental math, the answers were in his head too!
;D
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Post by Annie on Apr 27, 2007 13:50:34 GMT 3
ROTFL .. good ones girls ;D ;D ;D
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Post by annie on Apr 27, 2007 21:53:24 GMT 3
this was emailed to me by a friend...
Even if you didn't grow up Catholic, you'll appreciate this
one......
Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together, discussing how important their children are.
The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him "Father."
The second Catholic woman chirps, "Well, my son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace.'"
The third Catholic woman says smugly, "Well, not to put you down, but my son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say 'Your
Eminence.'"
The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence.
The first three women give her this subtle "Well...?"
She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6'2," hard bodied, well hung, male stripper. Whenever he walks into a room, women say, "Oh My God.."
---------------------------------
I'll bet Mrs. Rausa would have UP THE ANTE on that conversation if she was there....
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Post by maryb on Apr 27, 2007 22:25:07 GMT 3
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called wedding cake. ;D
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Post by Mrs. Fabregas on Apr 27, 2007 23:25:30 GMT 3
Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together, discussing how important their children are. The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him "Father." The second Catholic woman chirps, "Well, my son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace.'" The third Catholic woman says smugly, "Well, not to put you down, but my son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say 'Your Eminence.'" The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her this subtle "Well...?" She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6'2," hard bodied, well hung, male stripper. Whenever he walks into a room, women say, "Oh My God.." --------------------------------- I'll bet Mrs. Rausa would have UP THE ANTE on that conversation if she was there.... Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called wedding cake. ;D  Very good ones, ladies ;D Thank you  |
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Post by hellanvodka on Apr 28, 2007 12:46:40 GMT 3
A CAUCASIAN WOMAN:
First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date: You get to grope all over and make out.
Third date: You get to have sex in the missionary position.
IRISH WOMAN:
First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
ITALIAN WOMAN:
First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant
Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti & meatballs
Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you & insists on a 3 carat ring
5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together & hate the thought of having sex
6th Anniversary: You find yourself a girlfriend
JEWISH WOMAN:
First Date: You get dynamite head.
Second Date: You get more great head.
Third Date: You tell her you'll marry her and never get head again.
POLISH WOMAN:
First Date: You go to pick her up, and she isn't home. She gave you the wrong address.
Second Date: You decide to meet at a restaurant. She gets lost getting to the restaurant and then again going home.
Third Date: She's pregnant. She's not sure if its hers.
CHINESE WOMAN:
First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.
Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner but nothing happens again.
Third date: You don't even get to the third date and you have already realized nothing is going to happen.
INDIAN WOMAN:
First date: Meet her parents.
Second date: Set the date of the wedding.
Third date: Wedding night.
BLACK WOMAN:
First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.
Second Date: Your get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner.
Third Date: You get to pay her rent.
Tenth Date: She's pregnant by someone other than you!
LATIN WOMAN
First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get her drunk on Riunite, have sex in the back of her car
Second Date: She is pregnant
Third Date: Move in with her, her two cousins, her sister's boyfriend and live happily ever after eating rice and beans in the Bronx.
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;D
