For "Movie Nerds" (just like me)
Wisdom From Boris: How To Survive a Horror Movie! „X When it appears you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it¡¦s really dead.
„X Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
„X Do not go search for something in the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.
„X If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not speak, or if they speak to you using a voice which is not their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you the grief in the long run. *NOTE* It will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared.
„X When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off or go alone.
„X If you are searching for something which caused a loud noise and you find out it¡¦s just the cat, leave the room immediately if you value your life.
„X If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.
„X Do not take *anything* from the dead.
„X Don¡¦t fool around with recombinant DNA technology unless you¡¦re sure you know what you are doing.
„X If you¡¦re running away from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it¡¦s still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
„X If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, developing a fascination with blood, glowing eyes, foaming at the mouth and increasing hairiness, get away from them as fast as possible.
„X If your car runs out of gas late at night, don¡¦t go to the nearby deserted looking house to call for help. Likewise if your car has broken down, and the only refuge for miles is that creepy old mansion/castle on the hill. Stay in the car.
„X If you are a woman, never strip and take a shower in slow motion.
„X Do not keep all your sharpened kitchen knives in one of those wooden block thingies on your work surface.
„X The first woman to either lose or remove her clothing is dead meat.
„X The guy with the testosterone overdose is also dead meat.
„X Along with the guy that is always making jokes
„X When you are searching a house because you think there is something dangerous there, turn on the damn lights!
„X Never back out of one room into another without looking. It¡¦s always behind you.
„X If you are being chased, never lean against the wall when you think you lost him. He¡¦ll just pop through and kill you.
„X Same goes for leaning against the window.
For Other Life Saving Tips „X Never let someone hypnotize you at a party.
„X Stay away from sewers.
„X If you sense something is behind you, don¡¦t bother turning around to check. Just run.
„X If you are trying to escape the killer, sliding through the cat door in the electronic garage door will not help you any.
„X Never say ¡§I¡¦ll be right back.¡¨ You won¡¦t be back. End of story.
„X If someone tells you to do or not to something (example: DON¡¦T fall asleep, DON¡¦T go out there, DON¡¦T go look for the homicidal-chainsaw-wielding psychopath by yourself) by all means, LISTEN TO THEM!!
„X If you are trapped in a house surrounded by demons, making coffee will not help anyone.
„X Always be nice to the shy, quiet, unpopular girl in school.
„X Never go back for anything you lost.
„X Avoid people with pointy teeth.
„X Avoid people with lots of facial hair.
„X Avoid people with pale complexions who sway and moan.
„X If you see a burly man wearing a hockey mask and toting a chainsaw, DO NOT stick around to see if he¡¦s with the Philadelphia Flyers.
„X Remember: Just say ¡§NO¡¨ to human blood.
„X If the young girls of the neighborhood start singing songs about boogeymen while jumping rope, consider moving.
„X If you are running away from the killer/monster, don¡¦t even try to start the car. It doesn¡¦t matter if the car is brand new, it won¡¦t start.
„X If running from the monster/killer, try to make the least amount of noise possible. Especially if you are female. Panting, crying and screaming is not going to help you hide any better.
„X For pete¡¦s sake¡KNEVER stick your hand down the garbage disposal. Especially if you just heard strange noises in your house or while sinister music is playing.
„X If you hear a strange noise coming from upstairs that sounds similar to, oh let¡¦s say a severed head falling to the floor, don¡¦t go trying to find out what it is.
„X Never wait until you NEED the gun to check and see if it¡¦s loaded.
„X If you have to stay out in the woods or at camp you¡¦re pretty much screwed. But at least you¡¦ll have a fighting chance in the cabin. Never EVER take the tent.
„X Never try to unmask the killer.
„X Never hide in a closet.
„X If you find the mangled body of a friend, camping partner, janitor, or whom ever, don¡¦t stay and investigate. Run like hell.
„X If you are a girl with long blonde hair, blue eyes and big boobs, well, you are pretty much screwed.
„X Always check the backseat of your car before you get in.
„X When running away from the killer/monster, NEVER run upstairs.
„X If you are fleeing from a killer or supernatural being and you see a cop car, run right by it. There are three possible ways that things will turn out if you try to get the cops attention and none are good:
- The cop is already dead in some gruesome way that will cause you to scream and alert the killer/monster as to where you are.
- The cop will probably end up dead as he tries to help you, this will only distract the killer away from you for a few seconds, but chances are you will end up getting killed anyway.
- The supernatural being has assumed the form of a cop and just when you think you are safe¡Khe will kill you.
„X When and if you fall while running and the killer/monster is near you, don¡¦t just sit there screaming like someone will hear you. Get up and RUN!!
„X Kill the Scientist. No matter what else you do, kill him off right away. They always want to study ¡§it,¡¨ or take ¡§it¡¨ back to the corporate masters, or learn from ¡§it¡¨ at the expense of comrades lives. Eggheads are always trying to understand the unknown, and get nearly everyone killed doing it. Get a clue, kill the guy with the pocket protector, he¡¦s going to sacrifice you anyway.
„X If the killer if after you and you somehow manage to knock him down don¡¦t get up and run for help. Believe me, he will stay down much longer after you kick him a couple times.
„X If the killer is standing three feet in front of you, don¡¦t just stand there and scream while he comes running towards you. It may comes as a shock, but he DOES in fact want to kill you.
„X A female should never wear a white shirt without a bra while escaping the monster. It will only increase your chances of falling and causing a freak rainstorm that will make your shirt transparent and result in your immediate death.
„X If you DO happen to get killed, make sure it¡¦s in a cheap low-budget gore-fest with no plot, so you can come back and kick ass, no explanation needed.
in here......
