Something to think about or even laugh about

[Tish]

[marats]

We'll done !

[emma]

Your cat is relax yse!!!
Thank you!!

[marats]

What is the cat doing now ?

[Tish]

A Husband Wife Store...

A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.

You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.

There is, however, a catch: you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.

The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

________________________________________

A New Wives store opened across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex and have money.

The third through sixth floors have never been visited.

[Tish]

Received this thought perfect for a bit of a laugh...no disrespect to our male members..

WINTER CLASSES FOR MEN AT THE LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY Monday, Feb. 19,2006

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM .

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and
Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor ---
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM

Class 6
Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right Places
And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum .
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing .
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM .

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14
The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

[emma]

pisces72rat said:

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Really love this one ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Thank you Tish

[Tish]

I know it might have to be renamed as the document that we will always have to refer to for instance they do something wrong, " well would you like me to book you into.....

[Tish]

My Name is Turner Brown!!!


A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this
> >HUGE black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy
> >staring a t him looks down and says: "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20
> >inch private, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner
> >Brown."
> >
> >The white man faints and falls to the floor.
> >
> >The big guy kneels down and brings him to. Shaking him the big guy
> >says,
> >"What's wrong with you?" In a weak voice the little guy says, "What
> >EXACTLY did you say to me?"
> >
> >The big dude says, "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give
> >you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet
> >tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my left testicle
> >weighs 3 pounds, my right testicle weighs 3 pounds, and my name is
> >Turner Brown."
> >
> >The small guy says, "Turner Brown?! Sweet Jesus, I thought you said,
> >"Turn AROUND!"

[Annie]

LMAO Tish ;D ;D ;D

[emma]

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks Tish

[Tish]

But wait there is more.......

Todays Joke

Tom had been in the liquor business for 25 years. Finally, sick of the stress, he quit his job and bought 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity as possible. He saw the postman once a week and got groceries once a month. Otherwise, it was total peace and quiet.

After about six months of almost total isolation, someone knocked on his door. He opened it and a huge, bearded man was standing there.

"Name's Lars, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. Having a Christmas party Friday night...thought you might like to come. About 5:00."

"Great", says Tom, "after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you."

As Lars left, he stopped. "Gotta warn you......be some drinkin'."

"Not a problem" says Tom. "After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the best of 'em."
Again, the big man started to leave and stopped. "More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin', too."

"Well, I get along with people; I'll be all right. I'll be there. Thanks again."

"More'n likely be some hanky panky, too!"

"Now that's really not a problem," says Tom, warming to the idea. "I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear?"

"Don't much matter ..... Just gonna be the two of us."

[emma]

Oooooooh!!!!! Thank you Tish!!!!

[Tish]

I know I admire people that can think these funny's up...........

[Tish]

When we get the weekend newspaper there is always a little picture in the magazine liftout that more often than not has me LMAO.Every week it is a little different but always with the chicks.