Post by Annie on Jun 28, 2005 15:51:02 GMT 3
15 Signs Of a Marat Obssession
1.You begin to imagine what he smells like.
2.You practise your signature with ‘Safina' as the surname.
3.Nike fits best, Reebok looks best, but you buy Adidas out of
loyalty.
4.If Marat released a CD single of himself farting along to the ‘Greatest Hits of Elton John', you would insist on buying at least 45 copies.
5.Your birthday wish list begins : ‘Marat Safin as personal trainer with Lycra uniform...' YUM!
6. You beg your boyfriend to speak with a Russian accent. (If you have an obsession, you probably don't have a boyfriend...sob!)
7.You could kiss the photographer who took that picture of him on the beach with those tight blue jeans on....but you'd rather kiss Marat.
8.Every magazine that even has the smallest, blurriest, most bog-standard picture of Marat in it, becomes a must have, no matter how expensive.
9.And when, oh, when will that undersized, overpriced ‘New Balls Please' Calendar arrive? Because you know only September will be showing all year round!!
10. You suddenly become an active Russophile, calling people Comrade, whistling the Russian national anthem and drinking Vodka till your liver begs for mercy. All in a good cause. You frantically study Russian history, just incase you bump into him at your local supermarket. In which case you can discuss with him the ‘Pros and Cons of Stalin's Totalitarian State and His Cult of Personality.' All in his native tongue, naturally.
11.You blame yourself when Marat double faults. You just knew your cat scratching the curtains would put your beloved off.
12.Every reporter who even hints at Marat's inability/immaturity, suddenly becomes the Hitler of tennis, who needs to be hunted down and destroyed with extreme prejudice before they warp any other reporters minds and poison other Marat fans!! Or at least, you remove their article from ‘favourites'. Whatever works.
13.You try to justify it... ‘as long as he's happy...'
You try to ignore it... ‘if I just don't think about it..'
But there's no getting round it. You want him to be happy, just not with her!! Any girl seen with him has got to go.... And you know just the girl to replace her...heheh.
14.You consider it your right, nay, your duty to get Marat to the top of the Players Poll on the ATP site. And WHEN will the ATP realise? People don't want to see tennis tournaments on TV ... they want to see Marat on his own show!!! At least you do.........
15.If they wheeled out a cardboard cut-out of Marat at a Grand-Slam final and he lost 6-0 6-0 6-0, you would still blame it on his dodgy back and a lack of confidence.
By Ruth.
1.You begin to imagine what he smells like.
2.You practise your signature with ‘Safina' as the surname.
3.Nike fits best, Reebok looks best, but you buy Adidas out of
loyalty.
4.If Marat released a CD single of himself farting along to the ‘Greatest Hits of Elton John', you would insist on buying at least 45 copies.
5.Your birthday wish list begins : ‘Marat Safin as personal trainer with Lycra uniform...' YUM!
6. You beg your boyfriend to speak with a Russian accent. (If you have an obsession, you probably don't have a boyfriend...sob!)
7.You could kiss the photographer who took that picture of him on the beach with those tight blue jeans on....but you'd rather kiss Marat.
8.Every magazine that even has the smallest, blurriest, most bog-standard picture of Marat in it, becomes a must have, no matter how expensive.
9.And when, oh, when will that undersized, overpriced ‘New Balls Please' Calendar arrive? Because you know only September will be showing all year round!!
10. You suddenly become an active Russophile, calling people Comrade, whistling the Russian national anthem and drinking Vodka till your liver begs for mercy. All in a good cause. You frantically study Russian history, just incase you bump into him at your local supermarket. In which case you can discuss with him the ‘Pros and Cons of Stalin's Totalitarian State and His Cult of Personality.' All in his native tongue, naturally.
11.You blame yourself when Marat double faults. You just knew your cat scratching the curtains would put your beloved off.
12.Every reporter who even hints at Marat's inability/immaturity, suddenly becomes the Hitler of tennis, who needs to be hunted down and destroyed with extreme prejudice before they warp any other reporters minds and poison other Marat fans!! Or at least, you remove their article from ‘favourites'. Whatever works.
13.You try to justify it... ‘as long as he's happy...'
You try to ignore it... ‘if I just don't think about it..'
But there's no getting round it. You want him to be happy, just not with her!! Any girl seen with him has got to go.... And you know just the girl to replace her...heheh.
14.You consider it your right, nay, your duty to get Marat to the top of the Players Poll on the ATP site. And WHEN will the ATP realise? People don't want to see tennis tournaments on TV ... they want to see Marat on his own show!!! At least you do.........
15.If they wheeled out a cardboard cut-out of Marat at a Grand-Slam final and he lost 6-0 6-0 6-0, you would still blame it on his dodgy back and a lack of confidence.
By Ruth.
