The Queen & The Grasshopper - By A Marat Safin Fan

[Annie]

THE QUEEN AND THE LITTLE GRASSHOPPER
by A Marat Safin Fan

DISCLAIMER: I dont know how to put this, but the whole story you are about to read (I hope) is fiction. I do not own anyone or anything else except myself and my stupidity. And Caroline Fernandez is not my real name. Stacey Randolph and her family are fictous characters, and all the songs I suddenly start singing are not mine either... blah blah blah...

CHAPTER 1 - THE QUEEN AND THE LITTLE GRASSHOPPER


I was making my way towards the elevator. I checked the time and my watch read 10 minutes to 11a.m. Man... I thought. Some things never change. Given the opportunity, I could sleep till noon, or even late. The problem was I never could sleep earlier than 1 a.m. It was natural for me. I never had problems waking up on time when I was going to school, or high school cos back then there were reasons to get up and 'embrace' another new day. Now, sleep was my best friend. Isolation was my home, and silence was my refrigerator.

I finally got in to the lift and waited patiently till some other people joined me. There was a family... That's how I want to be with my kids, I thought, looking at them... If I ever have any that is... I started to feel my face turning red and at once gained control over myself. If I hadn't done that, next thing you know, tears would start projecting themselves from my eyes. Being 20 years old was a pain in the ass. You were neither a teenager, nor an adult. When you were a teenager no one expected you to make any decisions. Other people made the decisions for you, while all you had to do was put on a painful expression on your face that made everyone else around you feel like you were holding all their troubles on your shoulders. I miss that. I miss being able to do nothing about my own life. All I wanted to do when I was 16 was to be 24. Now that I am 20 already, I dread the thought of the undiscovered territory of adulthood.

I was taking a walk down Philosophy Avenue, in Psychoville, when I suddenly realized that we had reached the lobby. I must have made my sudden drop back to earth quite obvious since I heard a friendly voice saying "Happens to me all the time!" I turned and saw a beautiful young blond, a bit taller than me smiling. We walked further away from the elevator and found a spot where we could introduce ourselves to each other. "Hi, I'm Carol, short for Caroline" I said. "I'm Stacey, short for Stacey" she said with a twinkle in her eyes. Very good first impression Stacey! I thought. That was one thing I could always be sure about... My first impressions. They always turned out to be right! At first I thought they were not and had made some serious mistakes in making friends. The more second chances I gave them, the more I got hurt. I was not going to blame it on any of them, sluts, formerly known as friends... Now I just judge people from the first impressions they give me, cos with the mental-wreak state I was in right now, I don't think I could afford to make any mistakes.

"So you here alone?" Stacey asked me, looking around to check just in case I guess... "Yeah," I said "I'm here for the Aussie Open!" I said trying my best Aussie accent.

"Aww..." said Stacey looking all worried and sad..."that sucks..."

Now it was my turn to look worried since this was my first time being at any tennis tournament let alone a grand slam! And this baby came at a huge price! "What do you mean? They treat us differently or something???" I almost screamed. I was Asian, home town: Bangalore, India.

Stacey gave me a surprised look and started laughing... "No you doofus, I meant your fake aussie accent!"

That's when I really realized how stressed out I was... Stacey was Australian, I could tell by her accent. I laughed along with her and told her how glad I was to find out that the accent was the only thing that sucked... At that moment we realized that a guy was listening to us. He was looking at his mobile phone, holding it up. Then he saw us looking at him and returned back to his mobile phone, I couldn't grab what he was saying because of our laughing. He was pretty handsome, the soap-opera-ish kinda guy, probably in his mid twenties.

Stacey eyed the guy and evidently wanted him to hear the rest of our conversation. "Well, there are other stuff worth sucking... if you know what I mean..." Both of us laughed out loud since the guy turned around and looked at Stacey, apparently forgetting whoever it was on the other end of his phone conversation.

We resumed our composure once again. "So carol," Stacey turned to me "what are your plans?"

I became very serious, and said "Well, my twenty year plan is to be happily married to some rich, dead, old bastard so that I can own a yacht and go sailing around the world when I'm forty, My ten year plan is to be the CEO of the company where my ex-boyfriend is working and make him kiss my ass, my five year plan is to be drop dead gorgeous and five inches taller..." then I paused and turned to Stacey and said "But my 30 minute plan will be to have some food in my tummy! I'm starving..."

Stacey started laughing uncontrollably. I remembered how I used to make all my friends laugh with non-stop ranting of nonsense... I started laughing with her. Then suddenly the very sturdy looking post that Stacey had leaned on for support was slowly and silently falling over! I wasn't able to hold onto her but she tried to grab hold of me and pulled my hand, I felt myself being dragged down as well... In moments, a huge thud, a couple of groans, and then complete silence. Everyone around were looking at us. I sat on the ground, dusted myself, and caught the soap-opera guy holding his phone directly at us, laughing. The bastard... I thought... So that's what he has been doing! He was getting us on video! I'll show him... So I slowly got up, twirled around, stood still with a very dignified look on my face, and bowed. Then I got a laughing Stacey up on her feet and made her bow as well. Then both of us bowed together. By now everyone around us were laughing... at us, or with us, it didn't matter... And applause! Suddenly I felt so light hearted. Like something heavy was lifted away from me. I laughed along with Stacey. It had been quite a while since I felt at least a teeny weeny bit happy.

Once the attention was not on us anymore, Stacey turned around and asked me. "So Carol, where are you headed? Right now I mean? To the restaurant?"."Yeah," I said, "I still stand by what I said, I'm starving for some breakfast. Care to join me?"

"What???" Stacey said in disbelief! "It's almost 11 o'clock you doofus!!! I had breakfast at 9.00!!!"

I found that very fascinating! I raised both my arms and made a bowing gesture to Stacey. "You are the queen. Oh great one, please let me, thy humble servant know how such a task can be accomplished when one such as myself cannot sleep till way past midnight, and cannot awake till the sun shines brightly, warming up my ass???"

"Ah my little grasshopper... Nothing is impossible if you put your mind to it..." Stacey said, laughing again.

"I'll try that one tonight... but I don't think it'll work" I said. "Where are you headed?" I asked her.

"To the pool. It's just heavenly at this time of the day..." she replied.

"Ah yes... I must try that too. But the only thing I'm thinking of right now is food" I said smiling.

"Oh you go ahead then... Sorry I kept you waiting for so long. By the way, I'm in room number 805. Just leave a message if you want to!" said Stacey.

"Sure!" I said. "I'm in room number 713... I think my favorite tennis player is on my floor!!!"

Stacey smiled. "And who would that be? Hewitt?" she asked.

"Err... close enough...He's a rank lower. It's Marat Safin." I replied.

Stacey cocked her head... "Who?.. Sorry, it's just that I'm not here for the Aussie Open. I'm in Melbourne for a holiday. And I'm not a tennis fan... The only tennis players I know other than the Aussies are Andre Agassi and Pete Sampras! Long time back... I know I know..." She said, responding to the amused look on my face.

"It's the guy who was in the final last year! Too bad you don't recall, cos he's great..." I said. We were still in the lobby area. I was eying the restaurant as if I have never seen anything of that nature my whole life... Food... Food...

"Oh really?" Stacey said still thinking... "A Russian. Over 6 feet tall... Very deliciously handsome..." I said, acting like I was about to faint.

Stacey laughed out loud again... "Sure you're here to watch the tennis?"

I laughed and replied "Yup. Just that sometimes... your mind wanders... imagine someone who has the stature of a Greek god... Tall... Gorgeous... Handsome... Cute... Crazy... Lovable... all rolled in one..." I laughed...

Then both of us heard an odd noise... It was my stomach!!! We could have fallen on the floor laughing, but since we did that once already today, we just managed to control ourselves...

"So till we meet again" said Stacey and held her hand. I shook it and said the same. "Till we meet again!"

[Annie]

CHAPTER 2 - STRANGE VOICES IN MY HEAD... AND A LOST MIND...


I made my way towards the restaurant. Wonderful... Just a handful of people... Considering the time, it was quite obvious why. I looked around and saw a corner table empty.

Alleluia! It's just that I love to have corner tables. So I sat down my back turned towards the entrance. When it comes to eating, I need peace. I always got comments on my eating habits. Most of my friends used to say I eat like a pig... So it was best if no one saw me!

Since I got to the hotel yesterday just before noon, I had lunch straight away. So now I took the menu and looked at the breakfast dishes. I didn't feel like anything extraordinary, so I ordered a plate of chicken sandwiches and some hot coffee.

"Had a late night I bet!" Said the waiter with a smirk on his face.

I just smiled and ignored him. Rule number 1 when staying at a hotel. Don't piss off the staff. Your life might depend on it.

I heard people walking past me. I pulled my mobile out of my bag and checked a text I had got. A smile covered my face. It was one of my best friends Howard. Poor guy. He hated his name. Everyone made fun of it in high school. He fell 'in love' with a former friend of mine and with my persuasion finally got the courage to ask her out. Her reply? "Oh my God! You're Howie right? That's like so gay!" and laughed at his face. He never got over that I guess. I couldn't help feeling sorry for him. We kind of made a twosome then onwards and now even though he's all the way over in USA, we text and call each other.

"So Carol, what are your plans?"

I stopped and stared at the phone. I could swear I heard someone talking to me... But as an old habit, even if I hear someone call me, I ignore them till they either give up or come over to where I was. You might think I'm an arrogant dumb ass, but hey, it's just me. It made me feel in control.

I didn't stop typing my text on the phone, and showed no reaction.

"Well, my twenty year plan is to be happily married to some rich, dead, old bastard so that I can own a yacht and go sailing around the world when I'm forty,"... What the hell??? That was my voice... That's my conversation with Stacey!!! Was God playing tricks on me?? Or maybe I had acquired sudden powers to have visions of the past... Just hear them in this case... Or was I finally losing it? Yeah, that must be it... Why else would I hear voices in my head?!?!?

"My ten year plan is to be the CEO of the company where my ex-boyfriend is working and make him kiss my ass,"... There it was again... Wait a second... That sounds like...

"My five year plan is to be drop dead gorgeous and five inches taller..." Yes! That was a recording! No... Pray to God, this better not be...

"But my 30 minute plan will be to have some food in my tummy! I'm starving..." I turned around and found the soap-opera guy looking at his phone with a holier-than-thou look on his face!

Damn it!!! I thought! I can't believe I just did that. I should have just ignored him, but man... what a dumb ass!!! Jerk... So he was recording our conversation the whole time??? Jobless idiot...

I calmed down when I saw the waiter bringing me my breakfast. I thanked him and said that was all and pulled out my tiny MP3 player out of my bag when he left. Technology helps. I put my earphones on and started listening to some of my favorite songs, while that load of crap can listen to our conversation as much as he wants...

I started eating my sandwiches... mmmm... they were good... My poor tummy... there you go... I patted my stomach and took another sandwich. Laughter... coming from the dumb ass table. Argh! No Carol... no temper... no no no... No scenes... good girl... that's just what he wants you to do... He must be laughing at the fall Stacey and I took.

More laughter... Even louder... More than one voice!!! Oh my god... there were more like him?? Who cares? Let them laugh! My third sandwich... oh finally! Nirvana's song, 'Come as you are' was just starting... I started to sing along... tanana nana nana... Come as you are, as you were, as I want you to be. As a friend, as a friend... Very loud laughter!!! Oh man could I just kick this guys ass already! I just went along singing and completely ignored him and anyone else that might have been there.

I decided it was best if I stayed back for a while till the coast was clear... So once I finished my sandwiches I just sipped my coffee for about half an hour... I love coffee... No sound... silence... maybe they left. maybe they were still there... I was getting bored of looking at the wall in front of me. I decided to leave.

I put everything in my bag again and got up and turned around. Ha! No one was at the dumb ass table.. Laughing at me huh?... "As IF I care" I said out loud. Mind you this was my favorite phrase, with all the emphasis on the 'if'... I better warn Stacey... just in case this guy turns out to be some maniac or something... I smiled and then suddenly spotted soap-opera guy coming towards me with a smile on his face! He must have been in the wash room. Run Carol run! wait a sec, why should I? I felt my temper getting the best of me... Volcano Caroline Fernandez was about to erupt!

"Excuse me," the soap-opera guy was telling me "I..." He froze. I had just turned around and given him a look. I kept the same I'm-still-wondering-how-I-can-kill-you look on my face. He tried again taking another step closer to me "I and my fr..."

"One more step in my direction and I guarantee you a permanent injury..." I said in a low tone, kept looking at him for about five seconds and turned around and left..

Oh my GOD!!!! My whole face was a huge smile!!! I was so happy!!! My temper was back in full swing, so was my wit and sense of humor! Was I finally getting over the past occurrences? I wanted to pretty bad, but it had to happen naturally. You can't make pain just disappear...

I was on top of the world when I reached the car park. I got into my car and started driving towards the practice courts. I recalled what happened during the day so far, and burst out laughing... This felt good! I should have taken the trip last year! But wait, not that I had any money with me! Duh...

Ah... finally... I reached the courts. Now for some action. The thought of meeting Marat Safin... for real! oh man was I gonna faint... Wait a sec young missy... you don't even know if he's practicing yet... I had booked my hotel room 3 months back, and I never thought I would get lucky enough to be on the same floor as Marat. I hadn't bumped into him yet, considering tha fact that I only got here yesterday. I just got to know from some excited fans that he was on the same floor. I hope they knew what they were talking about! I really hoped it was true.

Wow... it was hot. I knew there would only be a slight chance for me to find Marat there, cos I didn't even feel like walking in this heat, imagine playing tennis! But now that I was already here, might as well get some pics of whoever is practicing.

I made my way through the crowds. "He signed mine!!" squealed a very young girl with someone's autograph in her hand. I smiled. I went closer to the court and it was Rafael Nadal! He was quite tall now, wasn't he? I took some pictures with my camera and then since there wasn't much of a crowd, stood there with the booklet to get it signed by him.

Finally Nadal came up to me and gave me his autograph. "You don't want your picture with me?" he asked in a very loooovely accent my heart just melted and poured out of my mouth.

"You don't mind?" I asked smiling. "No" he smiled back. So we made another girl take our picture. Boy he was tall! Wonder how I'll look next to Marat! I was just over 5 feet and 6 inches... and flat slippers never helped! I thanked Nadal and left.

The next court had about twenty spectators. All young girls cheering their hearts out. I had to walk around to see who it was. There were very few people around, probably because of the heat. I made my way through and realized it was Andy Roddick. I wasn't a huge fan of his, but hey I wasn't going to let that ruin the chance for some photographs and maybe an autograph as well! I sat down in a corner of the front row. He continued practicing with his coach. I could see he must have been there for a while since he took his sweat soaked shirt off moments after I sat and threw it to some screaming fans! What a teaser! I smiled and looked at the girls fighting over it. I didn't notice his bag was on a chair just about ten feet away from me, and since the girls were still fighting over the shirt I thought I might as well get what I want, and stood up and started taking some shots of Andy walking over. Andy looked at me and smiled. That would be a lovely shot I thought... He was cute... He was still looking at me and then suddenly laughed and shook his head. I stopped taking pictures, feeling a little bit embarrassed... What did I do? He came over and I took my booklet and held up a pen for him.

"so have you tried looking for it?" He asked me. Andy Roddick was asking me a question... A sweating, shirtless, muscular, tanned and toned Andy Roddick was asking me a question... I painfully controlled my wandering eyes and cocked my head with a confused look on my face.

"Your mind?" He said smiling and pointed at my T-shirt. "Apparently you've lost it!"

I realized it was because of the print on my T-shirt. I had got a lot of quotes printed. This one read 'Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most...'.

"Oh..." I smiled back "Not yet... Who has the time to look for a lost mind when there are so many other things to look at?" I said. Eww... did I actually say that??? I always said what I felt like saying, but this wasn't the time or the place for being a smart ass!

"I'll take the compliment... if it was meant for me..." Andy replied smiling.

"Sure, cos I gave it to you." I smiled and then turned around and realized that what I said was being misunderstood by some girls who had made their way over to where we were. They were staring at me like I was a one night stand or something!

"I meant the compliment" I said aloud, looking back at Andy. "Yeah, I gave the compliment to you" I said as he gave me my booklet smiling. "Thanks" both of us said together. We smiled once again and I left. I wasn't feeling quite comfortable with the looks I got from some of the girls!

[Annie]

CHAPTER 3- PEBBLES AND SOAP-OPERAS


As I walked away I met 2 other players, apparently taking a stroll! I guess they just finished practicing cos they looked like they were baked! It was Carlos Moya and Juan Carlos Ferrero! My God... They were... gorgeous!!!! I looked from one to the other... Ferrero looked very handsome. There was something about him... I couldn't point my finger to exactly what it was, but he had it. I suddenly realized I had a camera with me and started taking pictures. Two more girls came over and got their autographs and asked me to take pictures of them. I agreed and once I was done I asked them to return the favor. They willingly did. Wow... This only happens in dreams... nope, even dreams aren't made up of such good stuff. I was standing between 2 hot Spanish men... I unwillingly let go of their sweaty backs and got their autographs. I thanked them and watched as they walked away... Wow...

Then as I walked further, I saw Mark Philippoussis and.. oh man, was that Johnny Mac? I practically ran over to where the two were seated.

"Hi... I hope this wont be a bother to you, but could you please sign this?" and handed Johnny Mac my booklet.

"What?... oh.. me? This is a first" Johnny Mac said with a smile on his face. "So not all young girls are blind then, huh?"

I laughed and replied "Nope. No offense or anything Mark!" I said looking at Philippoussis who was smiling... he looked better with short hair... I returned to Johnny boy. "Great acting skills. With Adam Sandler I mean... Loved the jump over the cab."

"Oh... Thank you. Thank you." He said giving Mark a sarcastic look. "Huh... see, I'm still a chic magnet"

I laughed... "Depends on who you refer to as'chic'.. Mark, can I?" and handed a nodding Mark my booklet to sign.

"There you go" he said. I asked them if I could take a pic and they said yes. I took one with the 2 of them and then asked a passer-by to take a pic with me in the middle. Glory! I finally thanked them and left, leaving the 2 of them to whatever they were doing. I heard them laughing again. I hope I didn't make a fool out of myself, but hey, this was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity! I really loved Johnny Mac and his comments.

Off I went again. Ah, this was... Yep, James Blake practicing with... hmm... couldn't make him out.. maybe some new guy... I didn't know... Even James Blake looked... what's the word? Attractive? hahaha.. yeah that was it. He was attractive. I took a couple of pictures of him and continued my conquest. I was feeling a bit let down because now the heat was becoming unbearable... and I wasn't sure if Marat would be around... I should have stayed back at the hotel and made my way down here after lunch, at least, but nooo, little miss idiot just left her common sense back home I guess.

Ouch! What the hell was that??? My right sole felt a sting! I hopped over to a corner and leaned against a wall. I took my slipper off very carefully. Maybe it was some kind of a poisonous bug! Maybe I had only a couple of seconds left to live! I looked around hoping to find a tennis player to faint on to, but no one was around... real nice Carol... You might be on your death bed and that's all you can think about?... As I took off my slipper, a tiny pebble rolled off it. I stared at it! So this was the reason for me to almost die?!? I kept staring at it and then suddenly felt the urge to laugh at my own stupidity. You know what they say, if you can laugh at yourself, you are totally self confident. I didn't know about self confidence, but I sure could recognize an idiot when I see one!

I was standing on my left leg, bent over in two, with a slipper in my hand, laughing uncontrollably, when suddenly I felt myself losing balance. I tried to grab the wall, but too late, I felt myself going down head first in slow motion and quickly put both my hands on the ground to stop the fall. That made me jerk my head up, and suddenly, I felt my head hitting something, while still bent in two.

"Ow.. ooh.." someone said.

Oh man!!!! Caroline Fernandez, I disown myself from you, you clumsy dumb ass. I had 'head-butted' someone's 'groin' area! Feeling embarrassed, and turning a bright shade of red, I slowly stood up, apologizing...

"I'm really sorry, it's just that I was about to fall and then I managed to stop myself from falling, but then I was trying to lift my head up... and..." Whoa there horsy! what were you going to say next Carol? and then I hit your pole??? I managed to stop further explaining my plight to the person that I butted.

"It's ok. no injury. no pain. It's ok" said a laughing voice. I looked up... Of all the people...

"****ing Shit!!!! You're Marat Safin!!!" I said. "I mean.. err.. sorry.. I didn't mean to say that out loud... I'm sorry... Are you sure you're ok? I really didn't see you, being round the corner and all" I said.

"Haha.. yeah yeah no problem... I'm ok..."

I completely forgot what I was supposed to do next. My whole brain went dead... This was what I had dreamt for about five years! I was standing face to face with Marat Safin!! He was everything I had imagined him to be. Gorgeous, sexy, hot, sweaty, handsome, cute... In other words, he was Marat Safin! Think Carol, think... I could have taken some pics, I could have taken his autograph, hell, I could have just shut-up, but noooo, Carol just loves being an idiot.

"I'm Carol... A biiiig fan" I said extending my hand out to him. Marat put out his hand, and suddenly looking at me, burst out laughing!!! Oh no... Now what? I had something stuck between my teeth? No, checked that before leaving the car. I know, saliva was probably dripping from my mouth... Oh shit... Where did I put that tissue??? Maybe there was something in my nose!!! oh man...

I was probably looking very perplexed cos then Marat stopped laughing and said "I don't mind shaking your hand, but with that?" He pointed at my hand.

I was holding up my bloody ****ing slipper!!!! How the hell do I manage to do these things??? Unbelievable!!! I kept looking at it with my mouth wide open, almost forgetting where it came from...

"You have to wear it... In you feet.." Marat said pointing towards my still partly raised right leg.

"Oh.. aha... yeah... I know... I mean... I took it off..." I said blushing... If it was possible for a human face to turn many different colors, mine would probably be a very sick shade of purple right now...

"You took it off? When you saw me coming?" He asked trying to look surprised.

Now my face was probably like a traffic light. Red, orange, green, red, orange, green...

"NO NO!" I said almost screaming to make it clear to him. "I mean, no! There was a small stone stuck there, so I took it off and it rolled out, and then... that's when I almost fell..." I said.

Marat was looking at me in a very odd way. Then he suddenly smiled, while I was putting my slipper on... Damn it! Now what? I thought...

The stupid slipper seemed too little suddenly cos my foot wasn't going in.. Or maybe my feet have expanded since my brain seemed to have left my head and dropped down to them... I finally managed to put everything in place, and looked up.

"You are always falling, no?" Marat asked me. I was sure now my face bore all the colors of the rainbow... always falling? what did he mean? I didn't want to know...

"Well, just sometimes... But I always act like an idiot! No, I don't really act like an idiot... I am an idiot..." I said smiling... What??? I said that??? Oh no... This was the worst moment of my life! Probably not, but my most embarrassing moment, definitely.

Marat smiled and shifted his bag from one shoulder to the other. I realized I must have kept him there long enough.

"Oh, I'm sorry, you were on your way somewhere... go ahead... It was really nice meeting you Marat.. All the best for the Open" I said extending out my hand for the second time. This time, minus the slipper.

"Thanks," Marat laughed. "Oh, now we can shake hands..." Ah... heaven... I didn't want to let go of his hand, but he probably needs it to play tennis.. So I finally did.

"Just be careful not to do that again, to anyone..." he said laughing, pointing at my head and his... ahem... groin area...

I laughed and replied "I didn't mind!" Aaaaaaaaahhhh! what? Marat turned and looked at me, laughed and walked away.

I felt like falling flat on my face and eating grass... That's what cows do... right?

I turned around pulled out an imaginary dagger, and improvised ripping open my chest, pulling my heart out, stabbing it a couple of times and throwing it over my head.

I shook my head and started walking further in to the courts. I looked around and... oh no... no no no no no... The soap-opera guy was holding his phone up, directly at me! Not again! not now! Argh! I was just too pissed off with myself to care about him. I once read, it takes 64 muscles to frown, but only 4 to flip the middle finger.

I turned towards him, flexed 4 muscles, and left. How's that for a soap-opera?

[Annie]

CHAPTER 4 - PUTTING THE PUZZLE TOGETHER


I kept walking praying to God the soap-opera guy was not following me, for his sake. Wierd guy... Was he following me all this time? Nah... Please, the guy seemed jobless, but not that jobless... right? Ah, as IF I care...

I came to a court where Leytton Hewitt was just starting to practice. Damn it! Missed the opportunity for an autograph. But hey, there were two more days for the tournament to start, so I had plenty of time. I sat down, by now you would know it was a corner seat. I watched him for about 10 minutes. He was yelling "C'mon" almost twice every second! I liked Hewitt's tennis. He had a very stable head on his shoulders. Very motivated guy, and you could see that in his practice session. My mind wandered to Marat. Shit... Just my luck he was leaving the courts. Well at least I met him!

That's when it really hit my head that I didn't get his autograph, or any pictures of him!!! Argh!! Carol, Carol, Carol... You dumb ass... ah... shit... I would have a chance during the next few days however. But I still could have taken a photograph of us together! Damn it!

I got up and started walking towards the car park. There were some female players as well, but I wasn't quite bothered enough to go get their autographs right now. I looked at the time. It was almost 2 p.m. I felt hungry. Yeah, that was one more thing I could bet my life on, my appetite. I was always hungry. I didnt have any snacks during my very 'successful' conquest... So I thought I'd better get to the hotel for lunch. Enough of tennis-related embarresments for one day.

I got in my car and drove back to the hotel. The song 'Long Train Running' was going on the radio... I sang along to it. Without love, where would you be right now?... without love... Nice song... I think this is a newer version. Pretty catchy I guess, cos I was still singing it as I entered the restaurent. Man... it was crowded! Shit, I didn't feel like going in, yet I was so hungry! Complicated situation... Hmmz, lets think...

Suddenly I saw someone waving at me. Stacey! Thank you! Oh God, thank you! I made my way over to the table, sadly not a corner one... As IF I care... I mean, I got hunger on one side, and what? 'seating-arrangements' on the other??? No way was I gonna worry my pretty little idiot's head over that!

"Oh, Hi!" I said, realizing Stacey wasn't alone.

"Mum, dad, this is Carol" said Stacey, showing me the chair next to her. "My parents, Mr. and Mrs. Randolph"

"Hi, I'm sorry but I hope I'm not bothering you..." I said, shaking their hands.

"Oh no dear! Please join us" said Mrs. Randolph. They looked pretty high-and-mighty if you asked me, the way the waiters were running about the table, but nice people, all the same!

"So... this would be the girl who helped you do some ground-levelling?" asked Mr. Randolph. We started laughing.

"Oh you should've seen us dad, it was great!" said Stacey. "One guy even got us on video!" We laughed for a while. Then Stacey's parents shifted about as if to get up and leave. Her mum saw my surprised face and said "Oh we are sorry dear, we've been here for almost 2 hours now, and we had our lunch, Stacey just got here so you 2 can keep each other company!"

"Oh... sure. Nice meeting you!" I said. Somehow I felt a bit guilty to have intruded on a family lunch.

"Same here!" replied Mr. Randolph.

When her parents left, Stacey turned and almost spat out "You are sooo not gonna belive this! When I was coming down for lunch I met that guy with the phone in the lobby, he smiled at me, but I just ignored him. Then I saw he was not alone! He was with this most handsome guy that I have ever seen, ever! And guess what, I think he's a tennis player cos he had a huge bag and some girls were around him taking his autograph! Who is he? who is he?" she was poking my shoulder...

"Ok ok! calm down maniaco!" I said laughing. "That phone guy is a real pain in the ass... He was in the restaurant when I had breakfast this morning! and he was also at the practice courts just about half an hour ago! hmm... I guess he left the moment I showed him my middle finger!"

"You did what??" Stacey asked me. "Yup, gave him the finger, and he got that on video as well!" I said.

"Ok whatever... you're still not helping. Just tell me who the other guy is!!!" Stacey said.

Since I hadn't seen soap-opera guy with anyone, I told this to Stacey "Ok, then we've got to find him! I tried to go after them, but then my mum spotted me and pulled me in here... You have to help me Carol!!!" she was almost crying!

"Ok ok you idiot!" I replied, trying to calm her down "How did the guy look like?"

"Oh he was gorgeous... he was tall, and handsome, and gorgeous... I couldn't notice anything else. Any guesses?" she said looking at me hopefully.

"Oh great job Nancy Drew, have you seen any tennis players lately??? Almost all of them fit that discription!!!" I said, shaking my head.

"Ooohh... I see... Oh please help me find him Carol... It's very important!!!" said Stacey holding her head with her hands...

I laughed and said "See, that's what tennis does to you, well, at least thats what the players do to you! Now look who's all worked up... hahaha..."

"Oh shut up!" said Stacey, throwing her napkin at me, I avoided it, but unfortunately my elbow went and knocked down my bag, and some of its contents went crashing to the floor.

"Oh I'm sorry!" said a laughing Stacey. "Serves you right for making fun of me!" I just pulled my tongue at her and bent down to pick my things. I was looking at some pretty old looking objects that had fallen from my bag, some old chocolate wrappers, and some other stuff. I have to clean this damn thing up, I thought...

"Er... Carol?" I heard Stacey saying... "You better come up here and join me..."

"Ok ok, just a sec" I said. "Carol, come up, NOW!" said Stacey. She probably wanted to order lunch... So I quickly put all the rest of the stuff I found that I hoped were from my bag, and as I was about to look up, I saw a pair of shoes. I looked up and saw Marat standing there, covering his 'groin' area with his hands!

"Not again!" he said, with a pleading look on his face. I laughed and addressed his... ahem... 'hands' and said "We've got to stop meeting like this!"

Marat laughed. So did I. I finally got myself back to a sitting position. "Mind if we join you?" Marat asked. I was flying! I was pretty sure I was at least a foot above ground! Marat Safin... Marat Safin...

"Yeah, sure" I said, trying my best not to sound too eager. Then I realized what Marat said. "We?..." I asked. "Oh sorry, my mistake... This is my friend..." he said, pointing to... Tada! you must have guessed by now, the soap-opera guy!

"Oh!" I said loud, "You are his friend?" I asked the soap-opera guy... "He's your friend? You two are friends?..." I was still mumbling when Stacey intruded.

"Er... Carol, I think thats what he just said..." Then I looked at Stacey, who seemed to be in seventh heaven! Aha! So Marat was her gorgeous guy!

"So he's the one you were looking for?" I asked smiling and got hit under the table for it. "Ouch! Woman! What did you do that for??" I asked her trying to bend over and rub my bruised spot. Marat, who by now was seated next to me, tried to move away saying "Why are you always doing this? You are practicing for the... how you say... bull fights?"

The 3 of us, except Stacey were laughing "No no... you can relax. I promise I won't do that again... at least through lunch!" I said.

"Do what?" asked a bit annoyed Stacey. "So apparently you 2 have met?" she said looking a bit let down.

"Stacey, this is Marat Safin, remember, my favorite tennis player I told you about this morning?" I asked her, "I went to the pracitce courts after breakfast and er... bumped in to him... I'll tell you later" I said realizing we had another guest at the table, so I asked him "and who are you? er.. I mean.. even though we've met a couple of times, we dont know your name..." trying to hide my rude question... You just dont go asking people who they were, specially when they were friends of Marat Safin!

"This is Leonid Nerushenko, we went to school together" said Marat. Oh dear God... This was Leonid Nerushenko... "Oh... I see... well, hi!" I said trying to look calm.

"We met earlier, but you didnt want to talk to me..." he said laughing... "Right here, in the restaurant"

I was truning red... I remembered what I had told him. So this was Leonid, and it was probably Marat I heard in the morning at the table! I was slowly putting the pieces of the puzzle together, but it was hard to grab, with Big Red sitting right next to you! Marat intruded my brain storm saying "he showed me what you 2 did today... you fell outside" and they started laughing.

So that's what he meant when he said 'you're always falling'!!! oh dear... oh dear... Now everything I did was in that stupid phone as well! I suddenly saw Stacey drooling at Marat! "Marat, this is Stacey, my partner in crime... er well... not crime actually... my partner in the fall..." I said, introducing Stacey. She was smiling at him like nothing! I laughed... "She saw you earlier with Leonid, and she was wondering who you were..." I said and got another blow from down under. "Stacey! that really hurts!"

"Oh, you don't recognize me?" Marat asked Stacey trying to look surprised... or maybe he was surprised! Someone who actually didn't know him for a change. I answered cos I realized words weren't coming out from Stacey's mouth. "She's not here for the Open, just a holiday. She's not a tennis fan..."

"I am now!" said Stacey, and then realizing what she said, turned red.

[Annie]

CHAPTER 5 - PIGS AND HICCUPS


Marat was looking at Stacey. She was really pretty and had a very dignified air around her. She was quite tall as well. Me thinks he is liking her very much... hahaha... Well, not like I had any chances with him, so what the heck! "So you came here for a holiday... alone?" Stacey was getting comfortable now. "No, I'm here with my parents. They just left before you got here. Or else you wouldn't have had any room to sit." She said smiling.

"Oh yeah..." Marat was saying. "No problem we came here, right? I mean for you?" "No!" the 2 of us replied at once. "It's just that no empty tables" Marat said. We nodded.

"I'm hungry man..." Leo said suddenly... We started laughing. Then I realized it was true. "Yeah... come to think about it me too!" I said. "I could eat a pig right now..." Marat laughed. "I think I can order one for you!" he said. "Er... no thanks... I mean something the size of a pig." I rephrased my statement.

"Really?" Leo said "Girls don't normally eat that much, specially around guys"

"Why should I change the way I eat around guys?" I asked. "I dont believe in diets or eating less fatty food or whatever...If I want to eat, I eat. I mean, what if I die today? I dont want to die thinking 'Damn... I should have had that beef steak'..." Everyone laughed. I continued "...and if I gain weight, then I exercise and lose it. Too bad the beer belly doesn't go down" I said patting my tummy.

"yeah yeah" Marat said laughing, patting his. "I try too, but same. doesn't go away." Ah! he was actually showing us his tummy... yummy...

"Would you like to order now?" intruded a waiter. Stupid, dumb ass! Why did he have to do that...
Didn't he notice that we were busy? Argh...

"Oh yeah" Leo was saying. "She'll have a pig". I looked up suddenly realizing it was meant for me. They were laughing. "Yeah" I said, looking at the waiter and pointed at Leo "I'll have this one" I said. We laughed out loud and ordered the food. All 3 of us ordered the same beef dish while Stacey opted for something light.

"Dinara is here, isn't she? Didn't see her around though..." I said. Then I turned to Stacey and explained "Dinara is Marat's younger sister, and she plays tennis as well"

"Yeah, she's here somewhere... don't know..." he said shrugging. "With my mother, I guess...So if you see them, tell me. I have to hide" We laughed.

I actually wanted to ask him some questions, but I held back. He would freak out if he knew how much personal stuff I knew about him, or I thought I knew about him... Better shut up Carol.

"What do you do? You don't play tennis?" Stacey was asking Leo. "No, I sing. I mean, I'm a singer" he said. "Oh I see. Thats great." Replied Stacey.

"Where are you from?" Marat asked Stacey "From Sydney" she replied "My father had some business to take care of. So me and my mum decided to come over with him." Marat nodded. "And you?" Marat asked me. "I'm from India. I came down to Australia about a year ago. I live in Adelaide now." I said.

"Really???" Stacey asked me. "I didn't know that"

Leo shook his head. "Are you sure you are friends?" We laughed, and I replied "We just met this morning, and you know it. Not like we had time to talk with all the falling".

The waiter brought us our food. We started eating right away. None of us talked for awhile. Then I saw a flash. Someone was taking pictures of us... Oh man... just great... I realized how hard it must be to be famous. He couldn't even eat in peace. I looked at Marat, who was merrily eating away.

The 2 of us were sitting with our backs to the entrance, and Leo and Stacey were facing it, full view. Suddenly Leo said "Marat, don't look now, but I think that reporter just entered! The mental one!" "Oh no..." Marat groaned and he leaned back and started sliding down his chair! Stacey and I just stared at him. "What are you doing?" I asked. "Hiding. She's a ****ing pain in the ass!" and continued to slide down.

Stacey was looking around and then said "but there's no one there..." and then suddenly Leo started laughing. "Hahaha... that was funny... you are so ****ed up man... you should see your face!!!!" He was laughing hard. Marat shook his head, gave Leo a dirty look and sat up straight. "Do that again, and you wont have a face..." he said. Grrr... wow... that was soooo... sexy? was that it? Hahaha... Yep, it was. Leo was still laughing when he suddenly hiccupped!(not sure if there is such a word...)

The rest of us laughed. It wasn't that funny, but since Leo had been such a smart ass all day, we figured we could all burn him a bit! "Oh shit... When I get this it never goes away!" Leo said, dismayed, and continued to hiccup. We continued laughing. He started drinking some water, continued to drink up Marat's glass, but it still didn't stop. I felt a bit sorry for him, but serves him right!

"Try holding your breath" I said. "That's what my mum used to say." He tried. It became slower, but didn't stop. I whispered to Marat "Try to scare him... you know, they say it stops hiccups..." mmm... he smelt good... oh for heaven's sake Carol, get back to your meal. Stacey was offering Leo her glass of water when Marat suddenly grabbed his knife and made a move towards Leo! "Oh! Jesus man... what the **** was (hiccup) that??" Marat laughed and turned to me "didn't work... hahaha..." We laughed again. "I (hiccup)... I'm going to the washroom (hiccup)" said Leo and left.

We continued laughing as he made his way over to the wash room with sudden bobs of his head. "Poor guy! we shouldn't be laughing!" Stacey said... We calmed down. I suddenly remembered what Leo was ranting about earlier. "Marat," I asked him "who was that reporter Leo talked about? He said the 'mental' one?"

Marat was nodding cos he had food in his mouth. He gulped it down and started talking. "yeah, well I think she first started about 2 years ago... or something... she's always at my interviews. She's very annoying..." He said shaking his head... I could see that he really meant it. I felt sorry for him... We never really think about it much, but now I imagined how hard it must be to answer total strangers about how you felt, specially after losing a match...

"So that's why you call her the mental one?" Stacey asked.

"Haha... No. The thing is, she's always asking 'Marat, how are you mentally?', or 'Marat, tell me how is your head?', or 'Do you have a mental game?' and all shit like that... you know?... all about the mental side. My head... They say is not good, they say I should win all the matches, they say I can't break the raquets... they say I should have 10 grandslams by now... But I don't... So they always say I'm crazy in here" he said, poking his head...

I could have told Stacey about it since I knew Marat must be fed up about that question, cos I certainly was. But surprisingly enough, he seemed to enjoy talking about it and explaining it to Stacey. I think he liked the fact that she didn't know him. It gave him a chance to start afresh, so to speak...

Stacey was listening intently. His accecnt and actions were just, sooo... cute! He continued "I get fed up sometimes after I lost... but it just... sometimes its just nothing I can do... Then one day Leo was waiting for me to finish the interview, and again she's asking me 'Marat, do you think your mental game wasn't good enough?' or some shit like that... Then we started calling her the 'mental' one..." he said laughing. "And she comes and talks to me when I want to be alone, like when I'm having meals, or when I'm with my friends... very annoying... very annoying"

We smiled at him. all throughout, somehow he managed to poke bits and pieces of food into his mouth! Haha... I've heard he loves his food, but this was the first time I saw him eat! "Aah.. Hahaha... here he comes! How is it now?" Marat asked a very sad looking Leo... His hiccups seemed to have gone away, but he looked sick. He told Marat "It's gone, but I dont feel good... I drank about 10 leters of water... I can't eat..." He said pushing his plate to Marat.

"Ok! I'll eat it then!" he said. By this time Marat and I had almost finished our meals. Marat looked at my empty plate and asked me "Want to share?" "Sure.." I said. I wasn't full, and who in their right mind would deny an offer like that?!?!?

"You can eat more??" Stacey asked me laughing. "Well, I'm being environment friendly! we shouldn't waste food this way! and I'm not full yet." I said. "Well, what about desert?" she was asking. "Leo, maybe you can eat that." Leo thought for a while... "Yeah, sure..." and they started going through the menus.

"I'll have a Mocha chocolate mousse" I said, reading over Stacey's shoulder. "You're gonna have desert as well??? Girl, that's not a beer belly. That's just food... alot of food..." Stacey said, pointing at my poor tummy...

I laughed and made a brushing away gesture at Stacey. "I'll have one of those too" said Marat. We laughed... I couldn't believe what I was just doing... I was eating off the same plate Marat was eating from!!! Glory glory Alleluia! Things couldn't get any better... Leonid was going through the menu and finally gave up saying "I'll have that one as well then".

Stacey was going to order some banana thingy... I hadn't ever heard the name before, so I'll refrain from using it here. Anyway, it sounded too banana-ish for my taste... Marat made a yukky face when he heard it. "We always eat bananas. When we practice. Now is not the time for bananas. Its time for real food..." Then finally Stacey gave up trying to convince us about how good bananas were, and we ended up ordering a mocha chocolate mousse each.

More to come!

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