Post by Annie on Jun 28, 2005 15:50:21 GMT 3
How to Annoy Marat Fans
Six Tips for tennis journalists:
How to write about Marat Safin to annoy him & his fans.
WARNING: written under the influence of heavy sarcasm & PMT
Are you a tennis writer looking for a cheap shot at a big name player? Want to earn easy money by critisising a player you've never met? Try Marat Safin! He's a dream target for journalists and tennis 'experts', so just follow the six helpful hints below, and you too can write a fact-free article, full of negative comments to annoy his fans and make him look like a total waste of an Adidas contract.
1) Always mention his inconsistency using phrases such as 'mental instability' (to make him look like he is actually bordering on insanity) or 'careless performance' (making him seem lazy and spoilt.) These phrases, used wisely, will enhance your article from being merely an attack on Safin to creating medical grounds for removing him from society in general. The more psychotic and unhinged you can paint him, the better. DO NOT write about his mellowness and generosity off court. You want to make him look like an animal, not a gentleman.
2) Spend extra time writing about his defeats, especially those at the hands of nobodies, or those with particularly bad score lines. And if you must mention his Grand Slam title, make sure you rub salt in the wound by hinting it was a one-off mistake, a peak that Safin will never again reach, and since then, his career has been a complete downhill slide. NEVER justify his poor results with the truth, such as sickness, injury, exhaustion, genuine depression, jet lag or anything else that normal people couldn't cope with. The more you emphasise his poor results, the more his previous titles will seem like flukes.
3) Never underestimate the power of comparison. Comparing Safin with Kournikova is a classic cheap-shot. Ignore Marat's achievements and friendliness. Instead, choose negative traits written about Kournikova, like being spoilt, petulant, under-achieving, demanding, not committed etc.. (you can find plenty of examples in our sister article 'Tips for journalists: How to write about Anna Kournikova to annoy her & her fans') and emphasis the similarities between the two Russian players. Marat is a good-looking guy, Anna is a good-looking girl, and at the moment, neither can regain their previous form, so this is your chance to make Safin seem like a money-hungry sex-symbol, rather than a talented player.
4) If you are running out of negative comments, you can always mention his racket breaking. Yes, it's old news, and yes he hasn't done it for along time, but don't say it's his growing maturity. Say it's because he is losing the will to even get angry on court. Make him seem like a tired old has-been, without even enough energy to throw a racket. Verbal abuse and other examples of his 'bad behaviour' on court will make him look like a grumpy caveman with a violent streak, not a human being with genuine emotions.
5) Another idea is to portray Marat as a sex-mad party animal, with more money than sense. Make ambiguous references to countless girls [just make it up if you haven't seen any around him!] and constant partying until the early hours, especially the night before crucial matches. This angle creates the image of a shallow playboy with no regard for his tennis or common sense. The fact that it's physically impossible to play 3 hours of tennis after a night of this type, is wholly irrelevant. Make him look like a sinner who's wasting his talent, and will end up with bitter regrets about his unfulfilled promise as a top class tennis player. You want your readers to love-to-hate him.
6) Finally, don't forget his coaching situation. This is a great source of criticism. If he does have a coach when you are writing, aim to make him look like he has either made a stupid mistake in hiring the guy, or he isn't being committed enough to their coaching advice. Both will make him look immature and petulant. However, if Marat is coachless, you can also use this to your advantage by once again highlighting his need for one, making him seem arrogant and naive to be without a coach. Either way, he can't win.
It's blatantly obvious that any man who can withstand this amount of unfounded critisism must be a strong character. He also has alot of courage, because he continues to play, knowing journalists like us will be derogatory in our articles, regardless of his results. But hopefully, using these 6 tips, we will continue to annoy his own fans and confuse anyone else interested in tennis. If all else fails, just remember Marat Safin is a celebrity: he has no feelings.
Written by a ranting, highly sarcastic Ruth .
Six Tips for tennis journalists:
How to write about Marat Safin to annoy him & his fans.
WARNING: written under the influence of heavy sarcasm & PMT
Are you a tennis writer looking for a cheap shot at a big name player? Want to earn easy money by critisising a player you've never met? Try Marat Safin! He's a dream target for journalists and tennis 'experts', so just follow the six helpful hints below, and you too can write a fact-free article, full of negative comments to annoy his fans and make him look like a total waste of an Adidas contract.
1) Always mention his inconsistency using phrases such as 'mental instability' (to make him look like he is actually bordering on insanity) or 'careless performance' (making him seem lazy and spoilt.) These phrases, used wisely, will enhance your article from being merely an attack on Safin to creating medical grounds for removing him from society in general. The more psychotic and unhinged you can paint him, the better. DO NOT write about his mellowness and generosity off court. You want to make him look like an animal, not a gentleman.
2) Spend extra time writing about his defeats, especially those at the hands of nobodies, or those with particularly bad score lines. And if you must mention his Grand Slam title, make sure you rub salt in the wound by hinting it was a one-off mistake, a peak that Safin will never again reach, and since then, his career has been a complete downhill slide. NEVER justify his poor results with the truth, such as sickness, injury, exhaustion, genuine depression, jet lag or anything else that normal people couldn't cope with. The more you emphasise his poor results, the more his previous titles will seem like flukes.
3) Never underestimate the power of comparison. Comparing Safin with Kournikova is a classic cheap-shot. Ignore Marat's achievements and friendliness. Instead, choose negative traits written about Kournikova, like being spoilt, petulant, under-achieving, demanding, not committed etc.. (you can find plenty of examples in our sister article 'Tips for journalists: How to write about Anna Kournikova to annoy her & her fans') and emphasis the similarities between the two Russian players. Marat is a good-looking guy, Anna is a good-looking girl, and at the moment, neither can regain their previous form, so this is your chance to make Safin seem like a money-hungry sex-symbol, rather than a talented player.
4) If you are running out of negative comments, you can always mention his racket breaking. Yes, it's old news, and yes he hasn't done it for along time, but don't say it's his growing maturity. Say it's because he is losing the will to even get angry on court. Make him seem like a tired old has-been, without even enough energy to throw a racket. Verbal abuse and other examples of his 'bad behaviour' on court will make him look like a grumpy caveman with a violent streak, not a human being with genuine emotions.
5) Another idea is to portray Marat as a sex-mad party animal, with more money than sense. Make ambiguous references to countless girls [just make it up if you haven't seen any around him!] and constant partying until the early hours, especially the night before crucial matches. This angle creates the image of a shallow playboy with no regard for his tennis or common sense. The fact that it's physically impossible to play 3 hours of tennis after a night of this type, is wholly irrelevant. Make him look like a sinner who's wasting his talent, and will end up with bitter regrets about his unfulfilled promise as a top class tennis player. You want your readers to love-to-hate him.
6) Finally, don't forget his coaching situation. This is a great source of criticism. If he does have a coach when you are writing, aim to make him look like he has either made a stupid mistake in hiring the guy, or he isn't being committed enough to their coaching advice. Both will make him look immature and petulant. However, if Marat is coachless, you can also use this to your advantage by once again highlighting his need for one, making him seem arrogant and naive to be without a coach. Either way, he can't win.
It's blatantly obvious that any man who can withstand this amount of unfounded critisism must be a strong character. He also has alot of courage, because he continues to play, knowing journalists like us will be derogatory in our articles, regardless of his results. But hopefully, using these 6 tips, we will continue to annoy his own fans and confuse anyone else interested in tennis. If all else fails, just remember Marat Safin is a celebrity: he has no feelings.
Written by a ranting, highly sarcastic Ruth .
