Check Out Dmitry's Latest Mailbag (February 13, 2007)
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Here is Part 2 of Dmitry's Mailbag...
6). Full Name: Emily
City, Country: the middle of nowhere
Message: Hi Mitya!!! First of all I would like to tell you how much I like your blog, sometimes it's the only thing that can cheer me up! You are really a great guy and you have a marvelous sense of humor. Please, please, just post more photos in your blog (you're sooo handsome, show off a little more, please!)!!! Didn't you learn anything from the Japanese? Take pictures everywhere... airport, hotel room, courts, anywhere! And now the questions!
1) I read the press conference interview from the US Open and you mentioned a certain situation when you found Victoria's secret underwear in your locker? That was the first time I heard about that! Can you please explain us what was that all about?
2) Do you like animals and what's your favorite? (I suppose you're not very fond of bats!)
3) I also read that you really read a lot, so I would like to know what your favorite book is.
Good luck, on the tournaments!
Answer: Dear Emily! Thanks for the compliments. I do take lots of pictures and most of them are steaming hot but I must keep it PG on here. I want this site to be about tennis and not about ridiculously good looking merman (“Zoolander”) such as myself.
1). Not sure which episode you are referring to because it happens ALL the time!!! Sometimes, I have to clean out my locker two or three times a day from all the brassieres and garter belts that accumulate in it. It gets more difficult at Grand Slams because half of the women’s draw send their numbers scribbled on their undergarments. For example, there is one young lady (no names, of course) who has been very persistent. I told her that until she stops chasing Andy and stops traveling with her dad I am not going to get involved with her, but she refuses to give up. I just don’t have the time to deal with their parents, you know?! God! You know, she, you know… says that a lot, you know! This “you know” stuff is getting addictive! You know?!
2). I like furry things. But mostly cats! I like hedgehogs as well. This year I got to pet a baby koala and a wallaby and they are really cute as well. Except the wallaby pooped when I was petting him. NOT cute! Anything that is cute and doesn’t bite, I like.
3). I mostly read comics and coloring books because they are… colorful. But my favorite writer for now is Zoshenko. He is a Russian writer who writes with a lot of humor. He writes about difficult times Russia had gone through and is fairly philosophical, yet extremely hilarious at the same time. I admire a writer who is capable of bringing a serious topic and conveying it to a reader with wit and humor. I also read “Master & Margarita” by Bulgakov during my time off and I liked it very much. Quite different.
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7). Full Name: Meliza Calleja
City, Country: Makati City, Philippines
Message: Hi Dmitry! First, I want you to know that my sister and I love your blogs and my brother is a faithful supporter of all your matches. My question is this: aside from the "Kazachok" dance, what other dance steps do you know? And will you ever be caught dancing on court? Good luck next year!
Answer: Do I Know Any Other Steps... Of course I do! I do Waltz, Irish Step Dancing (Riverdance), Line Dancing, Gypsy Tribal Dance, and Voodoo Fire Dance. Most likely I will perform one of these dances when I win a Grand Slam title. But to be completely honest, I’m a bit shy about it because when I dance, I look like a frog in a blender.
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8). Full Name: Princess Fiona
City, Country: Miami, USA
Message: What is your ideal, "dream" woman? Does she have to have a six pack too?
Answer: Fiona,
In my opinion a woman with any kind of six-pack is not very feminine. But if she must have one I would rather she had it on her stomach than in her hands. Although Aussies would completely disagree with me on that one!
In regards to my “dream” woman… First of all, I don’t want a princess! There can only be one princess per household and I am taking that position so I guess there is a vacancy for a servant.
She needs to be understanding about groupies or as someone said on my site, “fan-girls”, and the stack of under-garments in my locker. That’s my job! I didn’t choose to have gorgeous girls run up to me and ask for my signature, but I have been given a talent at this miserable job and someone has to do it! If we all did what we wanted to there wouldn’t be any mailmen, toll-booth workers, or people who work at “Wendy’s” drive-thru at midnight, and Hugh Hefner would have been a librarian.
She needs to be a good cook and also a good cleaner because I am not going to clean up a bunch of pots and pans that she got dirty in the first place. I swing the strainer on the tennis court so she should swing one in the kitchen.
She needs to be incredible at, umm… cough, cough… other things as well… And have a gargantuan libido. It’s always nice to relax after a tasty meal. Believe me, most of my energy is spent on the court so, naturally, she should be in good shape because I sure as heck ain’t doing the work!
Oh, and I almost forgot… It sure would be nice if she would take a vow of silence/has to be mute!
P.S. If there are any applicants for the position, please post your bio with a brief description and an attached photo on a forum at
www.dmitrytursunov.com. I will gladly browse through it when I’m getting a pedicure.
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9). Full Name: Jaime Manrique
City, Country: New York, USA
Message: Dmitry, What did it feel like being kissed on the lips by your teammate after the Davis Cup win?
Answer: It was a mixed feeling. I was going to save that kiss for the finals if we won, but when Igor ran out onto the court after my match and I saw his golden locks fluttering through the air, “Dancing Queen” by ABBA rang in my head. It was so romantic!!! All I heard was, “Dancing quuueeeen…..” and time froze still! Our lips locked, dizziness filled my entire body and I felt like I was floating on air. I bet Mark Wahlberg knows exactly what I mean. It’s a feeling that money can’t buy, “Anybody could be that guuuuuuy…Night is young and the music’s hiiiiigh… with a bit of rock music, everything is fine…” I could have played another five-setter after that scene, “…Only seventeeeeen… feel the beat from the tamboooouriiiineeen… Oh yeaaaaah…”
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10). Full Name: Mark Snyder
City, Country: Los Angeles, USA
Message: If you encountered snakes on a plane: would you:
a) Charm them
b) Ruin your underwear
c) “Something else”
Answer: Wow! I remember I had a few crazy questions last time I was answering fan mail but nothing like this. I have a feeling Mark is friends with those other crazies, or perhaps he is desperately trying to become famous. In a similar fashion William Hung became famous on American Idol for that beautiful rendition of “She Bangs” by Ricky “I-speak-Espanol-therefore-I’m-exotic” Martin.
Mark, I would probably use the snake repellent cream, but since airlines don’t allow liquids or creams in packages that are more than 100 ml. on the plane I would only have enough just for myself. At that point, I, covered in cream from head to toe, would run around the plane and scream, “I am sick and tired of these ^%&^r F@*&ng snakes!” the same way Samuel L. Jackson likes to do. Ok, so maybe I would save some cream for that girl in the bathroom… If she submitted the application to my website, of course!
Sixpack guard 
. Tell us something about the table manners of your colleagues. All the best!!!
;D 
!!!
... no comments about feeling jealous of Marat for being the center of ladies' attention... 
