My Angel's Watching Over Me by annie

[annie]

Chapter 19


The groom, Meinhard, was starting on his speech when they came in the yard. He and his wife, Astrid, were about seventy years old.

Marat and Angela sat at an empty table near the back so no one would notice them.

“Our relationship has not always been smooth sailing. We’ve had our share of fights, of struggles and the like. I’ve done things I’m not particularly proud of.” Meinhard started,

“But through it all, my wife stayed with me. I may have done things that would’ve pushed any woman away, and all of you know what I mean!”

Everyone laughed.

Then he continued, “But she accepted me still and loved me the same. She stayed with me through it all. You may call it martyrdom, or stupidity, but I call it real love. And her love made me realize my mistakes, and made me a better man.”

He turned to Astrid, “My wife, thank you so much for loving me. I love you very much.” They kissed, and everyone clapped.

Even Marat was clapping.

“And you didn’t want to come?” Angela teased Marat.

“It’s a good story.” He said.

“What? That he made his wife suffer?” She asked.

“No.” He answered, “That the two of them still love each other after all they’ve been through.” He looked at the old couple. “You know, for a love to be kept alive for such a time is already great. But, to go through hell and back is just amazing. I want that.”

He looked at Angela and she was looking like she’s trying not to laugh. “What?”

“I didn’t know you were such a romantic!” She said.

“You’re teasing me.” He said, rolling his eyes.

“No, I’m not.” She said. He raised an eyebrow. “Really, I’m not. In fact, I like it very much.”

They were interrupted when Astrid started on her piece. She began by telling a little story.

“When I was little, my mother used to tell me a story about our souls. She said: Before, souls had two heads, four arms and four legs.

But the gods wanted to make the souls to resemble them. So, they decided to split each soul to two, each half having one head and one pair of arms and legs.

Then they created people where they put these souls in. Through out their lives, man struggled to find the other half of their souls.”

She turned to her husband, “When I met my husband, I knew instantly that he is my soul’s mate. That’s why I never left him no matter what. For, he is my completion, my other half. It is only with him that I am whole.”

Meinhard took Astrid’s hand, and kissed the back of it. The guests and family members were clapping and some were wiping their tears.

“Marat,” she said, putting her head on Marat’s shoulder. “Do you believe in it…in soul-mates?”

“I don’t know.” He answered. “Do you?”

“I’d like to.” She sighed, “I like to believe it’s you.”

She looked up at Marat. He looked at her. He brushed the stray hair off her forehead, held her face up so he could kiss her, but before he could…

“Excuse me.” A woman, in a pink dress said. “Do we know you?” She looked sternly at them.

“Ah…no.” Angela said, “I don’t think so. We just wanted to see…we’re...visiting…our relatives…you’re neighbor, Lukas.” Marat was staring at Angela in amazement.

“Oh, Lukas! Well, if you’re a relative of Lukas then you are invited!” The woman said. A boy of about seven, probably her son, came out behind her. “They always are reliable in taking care of our children when we need them to. Well, enjoy the party.” Then she turned around and left them.

“How do you come up with that stuff?” Marat finally got to ask Angela.

“It…just came out!” She said, smiling.

“Excuse me.” The woman’s son said. They didn’t notice he was still standing there.

“Oh, hey!” Angela said.

“Do you think…could you maybe…” the boy said, stammering.

“What is it?” She asked the boy. He looked at Marat, then back to Angela.

“Would you like to dance with me?” He finally got to say.

“Oh.” She said, “Sure, I’d like that very much.” She looked at Marat and winked.

As she was dancing with the boy, (the song “Fools Rush In” by Elvis was being played) Marat was left at the table, watching her, smiling, thinking about the story the old woman said, and about Angela’s question if he believed in soul mates.

He decided he didn’t.

He doesn’t believe Angela is his soul mate. She is just simply his soul. He wanted to tell her that, and he plans to that night…only he forgot.

[annie]

Chapter 20


After the song, Angela went back to Marat. She wanted Marat to dance with her.

“Come on, stand up!” Angela said, walking towards Marat. “Dance with me.”

“Oh, no!” Marat said, shaking his head. “I don’t dance.”

“Right…you can dance with those girls in the club, but you won’t dance with me?” She frowned.

“I wasn’t dancing…I was merely swaying. I CAN’T dance!” He said.

“So sway with me!” She said, almost as if she’s pleading. “And you can’t say you can’t dance. You do footwork all the time, dancing is a lot about footwork.” She took hold of his arm and started to pull him off his seat.

“You are persistent, aren’t you?” Marat sighed. “All right…but, don’t blame me if I step on you!” He said, standing up.

“I won’t.” Angela said. She led him to the middle of the dance area.

“And also, you’re gonna have to stop undressing me with your eyes.” Marat joked, walking behind her.

She looked back at him, giving him a sultry look in her eyes “I can’t, you’re too sexy!” She said. She couldn’t keep the look, and she burst in to giggles.

The song “The Way You Look Tonight” started playing. “Okay, just follow my lead. Let your soul feel the rhythm.”

“Oops, sorry!” He said. He stepped on her foot.

“Don’t be so tense. My instructor said dancing isn’t just moving your body. It’s about moving your soul. So, when you’re dancing with somebody, it’s like your souls are moving together in the same beat.” She said.

“You studied dancing?” Marat asked her. She put her head on his shoulder.

“Yeah, jazz, ballet, and pole dancing.” She whispered.

“What kind of dance is…pole dancing?!” Marat asked surprised.

“Yeah, haven’t I told you?” She said, “It’s a new trend in New York. Pole-dancing instead of aerobics. It’s a good cardio exercise. Plus the studio’s just below our pad.”

“Hmm, I’d like to watch you during one of your sessions.” Marat said, smiling naughtily.

“Well, if you’re a good boy I might give you a private viewing.” She told him with a little laugh.

“Will you? What time are we going back?”


It wasn’t long after that they decided to go back to the hotel. They said their good-byes to the old couple and their daughter and grandson.

Then they went over to Lukas’ house and asked him if he could drive them back, and he agreed. When they got to the hotel, the photographers weren’t there anymore so they didn’t have any problems going back in.


“That was fun, wasn’t it?” Angela asked Marat as she sat down on the couch.

“Yeah. I had a lot of fun.” Marat said. He sat right beside her, and tilted his head back and spread his arms on the back of the couch.

“Good.” She said, “I’m glad you did.” She kissed him on the cheek, and hugged him.

“So…how about that private pole dance?” Marat asked

“Marat, the reason it’s called pole dancing is because you do it with a pole. There is no pole in here.” Angela said.

“I’ll be the pole.” He said. She gave him a look.


Well, I’ll leave it to you to decide whether he got what he asked for or not.

[annie]

Chapter 21

September 27, 2005. Tuesday. Moscow, Russia


Marat and Angela arrived from Germany the night before. They headed straight to Marat’s apartment.

He called his mom to say that they’re back that morning.

He was gone for almost a whole month and Rausa, his mother, missed him so she invited Marat and

Angela to a dinner that night at the 1, Red Square.

Marat and Angela arrived early and waited for Marat’s family.

“I told you we’re early.” Marat told Angela as he sat to the table reserved for them.

“Better early than late.” She answered.

“I just don’t like waiting.” He said.

“So you make everyone else wait instead?” She bantered.

“Oh, so is that what we’re going to do tonight? We’re gonna fight?” Marat asked, slightly miffed.

“No.” Angela said, “I don’t want to fight with you. Life’s too short to spend fighting with people

you love.”

Marat frowned. “You always say that.” He said, “Life’s too short, blah, blah, blah…”

“What’s wrong with that? It is true.” She said, sipping some water.

“I know.” Marat said, looking away. “I just don’t like the way you sound like saying it sometimes.”

He paused. “Like you’re leaving or something.” He continued.

She touched his arm. “I’m not going anywhere.” She told him, “Unless you tell me to, I’m not leaving you.

I’ll always be with you.” She smiled.

Marat looked at her. “You promise?” He asked her.

“I promise.” She told him. He stroked her hair and touched her face and leaned over to kiss her. They

were kissing when Dina, Rausa and Mikhail came.

“Okay, your PDA is long enough. And it’s still early.” Dina said. They stopped kissing.

“Perfect timing! All the time!” Marat whispered loudly to Dina. Dina snorted. He stood up to pull a chair

for his mother. Angela gave a little laugh at them.

“Thank you.” Rausa said to Marat. “You are early for a change.”

“Must be influenced by an Angel.” Misha said. He smiled at Angela. She smiled too.

“Yeah. My own personal Angel.” Marat said, sitting back to his chair putting his arm around the back of

Angela’s seat.

While eating dinner, Marat’s mom updated him on news about their relatives. Dina filled him out with

news around the circuit. And his dad updated him with his finances. Marat has been picking food off Dina’s plate.

“Well geez, if you want my food so much why didn’t you order the same thing?” Dina said to Marat.

“I like variety.” He said, taking another piece and eating it.

“Mom, tell Marat to stop eating off from my plate.” Dina said.

“Marat.” Rausa said. She gave Marat a stern look but, Marat just smiled at her sweetly and she lost the

look. “Do you think smiling sweetly would get you your way all the time?” She asked him.

He reached for another piece on Dina’s plate but she slapped his hands off. He looked at Dina and she

nodded at Angela so he’d look at her. She wrinkled her nose in a frown and gave him a look of disapproval.

“Apparently not all the time.” He said to his mom.

“Serves you about right!” Dina told him, smirking.

“You ganging up on me now?” He asked Angela. She just smiled. Under the table, she nudged his leg

with her foot.

She knew Marat doesn’t like being admonished, and that was her way of telling him she was just kidding

without letting Dina know. Marat got the message, and smiled back.

“By the way, I think I’m gonna take up that invitation from Shamil to go to Kazan.” Marat announced.

“When are you going?” Misha asked.

“Next week, maybe. Dad, why don’t you come?”

“Are you really asking me?” Said Misha.

“Of course! It will be a good chance to spend some quality time with you.” Marat said. Misha looked at

him suspiciously. “Besides, it’s a long drive. We can take turns on the wheel.”

“I thought there was a catch.” Misha said. Rausa was laughing.

“Come on, I know you like taking long drives. Clears your head, right?”

“Fine, I’ll go.” Misha said. Rausa was shaking her head, smiling. “Who else is going?”

“Gelya.” Marat answered.

“Oh!” Angela exclaimed, “I can’t come.”

“Why not?” Marat asked, obviously disappointed.

“No. My mom asked me to come home for a while.” Angela said.

“She said why?” He asked. Angela shook her head no.

“It’s probably important.” Rausa said.

“Or she just wants Angel to have a chance to get away from you.” Dina offered. Marat rolled his eyes at

her. Then he turned to Angela with eyes pleading as if asking her not to go.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be back before you know it.” She touched his arm.

Marat sighed, “I was hoping to go around Kazan with you. Tour around. I haven’t taken you around yet.

Not even here.”

“You can bring your camera! Take pictures of everything so I can see what you saw. And you don’t have

to tour me around. I’m happy just staying in a house with you.”

“Awww…that’s so sweet!” Dina said. Marat thought she was teasing and gave her a look. “I meant it.

You’re lucky, brother.” Marat smiled, as well as their parents.

When they were almost finished eating, Marat noticed Angela had not eaten almost half of her food.

“What’s the matter, you don’t like the food?” He asked.

“I do. I’m just…full.” She said.

“Full? That wasn’t even half your capacity.” Dina teased.

“What does that mean? That I eat a lot?” Angela said.

“Well, let’s just say, on a good day, you and Marat eat like your competing in an eating contest!”

“Ah!” She gave her a look of shock, “How dare you?” She said, shaking her head.

“For what it’s worth, I am amazed how you can keep your figure.” Dina said.

“Hmm, thank you.” Angela said, with pride.

“With all the food you put in there in a daily basis…” Dina continued.

Everyone on their table was laughing at the little comedy taking place. It went on all night until they went

home. Everybody was full in their hearts and stomach. But things were about to change really, really soon

and really, really drastically.

[annie]

Chapter 22

October 3, 2005, 3:00 p. m. Sheremetyevo Airport, Moscow, Russia


A couple of days before Marat and Mikhail set out for Kazan, Angela left for New York. Marat drove her to
the airport.

“Don’t come down anymore.” Angela said. “I can go from here.”

“Why?”

“You know why!” She said. He does. She wants to keep things private, not letting shutterbugs to get

a single shot.

“Do you really have to go?” Marat asked.

“My mom said it was important.” She said.

“All right.” Marat said. Sighing.

“Well, I better get off.” She reached for her bag at the backseat and hit Marat on the head with it.

“Ouch!” Marat exclaimed.

“Ooh! Sorry.” She said. Marat rubbed his head.

“That’s the second time that bag hit me on the head.” Marat said.

“Second time? When’s the first?” She asked.

“The day you came. At the restaurant we used to go to when we were younger. I was there, you hit me

with that bag when you got up to make a call.”

“I did? I’m sorry. Here let me make that up to you.” She moved closer to Marat and kissed him.

“Forgive me?”

“How can I not? You give the best kisses ever.” Marat said, smiling. “What’s with the number 11,

anyway?” He asked.

“November 11, 1992. That’s when you told me you love me.” She teased.

“I didn’t say I love you.” He said.

“You didn’t?” Angela asked, sounding a little bit disappointed.

“No. I said; I love you very much.” He said.

“You remember?” She smiled. And they kissed…again.

“How can I not? You threw your book at me because I was talking to a girl, and you wouldn’t talk to

me before I told you that. And it was a very heavy book.” Marat said. She wrinkled her nose and smiled.

“Go on, get outta here before I change my mind and not let you go.”

“Okay.” She got off the car. Took out her belongings. “I love you.” She said.

“I love you too. Take care. Call me when you get there.” Marat said.

“I will.” She winked and closed the door and left.

Marat stayed and watched her until she disappeared from view.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


In New York…


“Yes, she’s flying home by now. She might arrive tomorrow night.” Maria said. “I’ll take her. Mark? …Is it

possible you could be wrong? …I understand. Thank you.”

She put the receiver down very slowly. As if time was playing tricks on her making her see things

in slow motion. She put her hands over her face, and started sobbing.

“Please, don’t let it be. I beg you.”

[annie]

Chapter 23


October 6, 2005, 3:00pm Manhattan, New York.


“Angela, are you ready to go?” Maria asked. She and Angela were going to the hospital.

“Yeah, I was just saying good-bye.” Angela answered. She was talking to Marat on the phone.

“Well, you heard my mom. I gotta go. You better sleep now. It’s a long drive back to Moscow.”

“All right. I’ll call you when I wake up?” Marat asked.

“I’d probably be deep in sleep by then.” Angela said, “But, okay, talk to you later.”

She put the receiver down. “Let’s go!”


In the hospital, Angela and her mom were meeting Dr. Mark Dane, their physician.

They were waiting at the lobby. Angela went to get some coffee when Dr. Dane came.

“Dr. Dane!” Maria said.

“Maria, hi! Wow! You look…beautiful today.” Dr. Dane said, looking weirdly at her.

“Thank you, Mark.” She said.

“What are you doing here?” He asked.

“My daughter…?”

“Oh yeah!” He said, remembering he was the one who asked them to come.

“She’s here with me.” Maria said.

“Did you tell her?” He asked. Maria’s expression suddenly became serious.

“No. Just that you need to take some more samples.” She said. She looked away.

“But, I didn’t tell her about…”

“That’s fine.” Dr. Dane said. He took Maria’s hands. She looked at him.

“Don’t tell her yet. Please, Mark?” She said, “Not until were sure.”

“I understand.” He said, looking at her, very seriously.

“Thank you.”

“This week on General Hospital!” Angela said, appearing suddenly behind the doctor.

He let go of Maria’s hands.

“Angela! It’s good to see you.” He said to Angela.

“I’m sure it is but, not as good as seeing my mom! Right, doc?” She said, smiling playfully.

Dr. Dane couldn’t help but smile in agreement.

“Yeah. Let’s go in my office shall we?” He said.

“After you.” Angela said, getting out of the way. “So, when were you planning to tell me?” Angela whispered

to Maria when Dr. Dane was out of earshot.

“Tell you what?” Maria asked. She got a bit tensed because she thought Angela knew her

and Dr. Dane’s secret.

“About you and Dr. Mark!” Angela said.

“Oh! That!” Maria said, relieved. “We’re just dating.”

“STILL just dating?” Angela said. “You know mom, if you’re worried about me, I have no problems with him.”

She put her arm around her mom’s shoulder. “He’s a decent guy, unlike some of the guys you dated before. And he’s cute too.”

“Oh, you think so huh?” Maria said.

“Yeah. He looks a little bit like Marat.” Angela said, “So, if you like him, go ahead. He’s

got my vote.” She told her mom, with a wink.

“Good to know.” Maria said.


After running the tests they needed to perform and taking the samples they needed, Dr. Dane let them go.

“Okay, that’s it. You’ll hear from me for the results.” He told them.

“How long?” Maria asked.

“Couple of days.” He said.

“You will call me, right?” Maria said. Angela rolled her eyes.

“Of course.” Dr. Dane said.



After two days…


“Hello?”

“Maria? It’s me, Mark.”

“Mark, hi. How are you?” Maria asked casually.

“Maria, listen. I don’t know how to tell you this but…” Dr. Dane started.

“Wait.” She stopped him. Angela came in the room.

“I’m going out, mom!” She said as she swoops out the door.

When Maria was sure she was gone, “Okay, tell me now.”

[annie]

Chapter 24


October 9, 2005, 9:40 p.m. New York, USA


After her phone conversation with Dr. Dane two days ago, Maria wasn’t quite her usual cheery self.

She always seem like she’s spacing out or in deep thought. She would stare at Angela but when

she asks her what the matter is, she always says that it was nothing.

That night Maria told Angela to come to the restaurant she manages and co-owns for dinner.

She decided she needed to tell her daughter the truth about what Dr. Dane told her.


“Hey, Bruce!” Angela said to the coat checker.

“Hey, Angel! Where have you been?” He said.

“Went home to Moscow.” She said, “It was really great, you should go there sometime.

“Well,” He said, “If your mom ever give me a huge pay check, I will!”

“Is she inside?” She asked.

“Yeah, probably at her office. Hasn’t really come out since she got here.”

“Does she have a problem?” Angela asked.

“I don’t know. Business is good.” Bruce said, “Besides, you’re her daughter, you should know!”

“Right.” She gave him a nod and left.


She went straight to their favorite table where she can see everyone else in the restaurant and texted

her mom to say she’s there already. Her mom replied that she would be out shortly. Then Marat’s message

came in. He asked if he could call, and she told him okay so he did.

“Hey!” Angela said.

“Ah, it’s so good to hear your voice early in the morning!” Marat said on the other line.

“Hmm, yeah, what are you doing up already? It’s just almost 6 in the morning there!”

“I just got home a couple of hours ago!” He said, laughing. “I was out late last night.”

“Yeah, where did you go?” She asked.

“I was at the MTV Russia awards.”

“Cool!” She said, “Hmm…Who did you go with?”

“No one. Just me.” He said.

“Really…?”

“Yes, really.” He said, “Why? Are you going to be jealous if I went there with someone?”

“Well, yes.” She answered. “But, if you tell me there’s nothing to be jealous about, I’ll believe you.”

“There’s nothing to be jealous about.” Marat said.

“So you did go there with someone!” Angela said,

“No, I didn’t! I swear I didn’t!” Marat said, laughing. “I love it when you’re angry…jealous-angry!”

“Hmp! Well, don’t make me do it too often.” She said.

They talked a little while longer. She just said goodbye to Marat when her mom came to the table.

“Hey, mom.” She said, smiling.

“Who’s that?” Maria asked.

“Marat.” She said, with an even bigger smile. “He said he misses me and wants me to come back soon.”

“I see.” Maria said. Then the food arrived. “Well, lets eat.”

“Yeah.” She put the phone down.

Maria was watching Angela the whole time. Angela looks so happy, she thought.

Then Angela finally noticed her.

“What?” She asked her mom.

“Nothing.” Maria told her, “It’s just…I haven’t seen you like this.”

“Like what?” Angela asked.

“Happy. I haven’t seen you this happy.” Her mom said.

“I’ve been happy.” Angela said.

“Yes, but not like this. Like you’re glowing.” Her mom said. “I’ve never seen you this happy.

Not in a while. Not since we had to leave Russia.”

“You know why, mom.” She told her. “I got back what I lost when we left. It’s all I ever

really wanted.”

“I know. I know.” Maria said. And as she continued to watch her daughter, all the preparation she

did in telling her what she needed to just dissolved into thin air.


After dinner, Maria told Angela to go home and that she needed to stay at the restaurant for

a while longer. Angela wanted to wait but she told her that she just had to take care of some business and

it might take long. When Angela left, she immediately called Dr. Dane.

“Dr. Dane.” Dr. Dane said on the other end of the line.

“Eric, it’s Maria.”

“Maria.” He said, the quality of his voice becoming worried. “How did it go? Did you tell her?”

“I tried.” Maria said, her voice quivering. “I couldn’t do it.”

“What happened?” He asked.

“I couldn’t tell her.” She said, crying. “She looked so happy. So glad to be alive and to be

with the man she loves.” She continued, “I can’t bear to tell her it’s not going to last. Eric, I can’t tell her she’s

going to die. It would shatter her.”

“I understand.” Dr. Dane said. “But you still need to tell her. She has to know. It’s her

right to know.”

“I know that, but I can’t.” Maria said. She sat at her chair, feeling her knees getting weak.

“Maybe you just have to find a better time to tell her.”

“There is never going to be a better time.” She said, “Why does this have to happen?

First, my husband and now my daughter?”

“Maria.”

“I can’t lose her, Eric.” She said, “She’s all I got.” Her arm dropped at the table, still holding

the phone as if her nerves had locked it in her hand. She was crying, and her tears burned like acid that

stings her heart.

“Maria,” He said, “Maria? Maria, are you still there? Hello?!”

[annie]

Chapter 25

October 11, 2005 Moscow 9:15 am

Marat's phone have been ringing against the sound of buzzing cars for several seconds already.

He didn't hear it, but he saw it flashing its light, so he picked it up without reading who was calling him.

“Hello?!” Marat said, almost shouting.

“Shh! It’s me.” Angela said “Where are you?”

“I’m in the car.” Marat said, “Stuck in traffic…as usual. How about you?”

“I’m home. My mom’s still at the restaurant, so I’m alone here.” She said.

“I see. So…what are you wearing?” Marat said.

“Do you want to get in an accident?”

“That little, huh?” Marat said, laughing.

“How did you become this naughty?” She said, giggling. “You weren’t like that before.”

“Hmm…someone told me, ‘People change’, so why can’t I?”

“Right.”

“So, when are you coming back here?”

“In a couple of days. I already bought a ticket.” She said, “Do you miss me?”

“Do you have to ask?” Marat asked.

“No, I just want to hear you say it.”

“I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you.” He said.

“I love you.” She told him.

“I know.” He said, smiling.

He caught a glimpse of himself in the rearview mirror, and he smiled even wider, shaking his head.

“All right, I’m gonna take a bath…have to put the phone down now.”

“You have to tell me you’re taking a bath? How am I supposed to concentrate on my driving now

when I’m imagining you?”

“Don’t imagine!” She said laughing. “Bye.”

“All right, bye.”


New York

As Angela submerged herself into the warm bath, she suddenly felt very tired. She had a busy day.

She woke up early that morning to go for a jog. She dropped by at the hospital to visit some kids she’s made friends

with as a volunteer before, and played with them a while. In the afternoon she went to the dance studio just below

their pad, initially just to visit her instructress but ended up giving demos. And that evening before her mom

called she was at the park sketching.

So, now feeling drained, she fell asleep in the tub.

Moscow

Marat got to his architect’s office 15 minutes ahead of their scheduled meeting.

He went to the front desk and asked the secretary, Olga, to inform Katerina of his arrival.

“Mr. Safin, do you have an appointment with Ms. Pugacheva?” Olga asked.

“Yes, please tell her I’m here now.” He said.

Olga pushed some buttons and Katerina picked up from the other end.

“Yes, Olga?”

“Ms. Pugacheva, Mr. Safin is here. Shall I let him in your office?”

“Mr. Safin? Marat Safin, you mean?” She said, surprised.

“Yes, ma’am”

“Are you sure it’s him? He’s 15 minutes early, that’s not usual for him.”

“Excuse me, I can hear you.” Marat said.

“I know. I meant for you to hear.” Katerina said. “Olga, let him in.” She said finally.

“Thank you.” Marat said, sarcastically. “Women! You’re late, she’s mad. You’re early, she’s still

mad! What’s a man gotta do, huh?” He said to Olga.

“Be on time?” Olga shrugged.

“Of course.” Marat said. He followed Olga to Katerina’s office.

“Thank you, Olga” Katerina told her, and she left. “So, Mr. Safin, what did you want to talk about?”

“Kitchen.” He said, “I want to talk about my kitchen. I think I’m gonna need a bigger one.”

Katerina raised a brow. “A bigger kitchen?” She said, with a touch of cynicism in her tone.

“Why would you want a bigger kitchen? You don’t really cook!”

“Who said anything about me cooking?” Marat said.

“Ah…it’s a girl, huh?” She said, finally reading in to Marat’s mind. “You finally found someone who

can endure you?” She said with her eyes lighting up as if in amazement.

“You never cease to be funny don’t you?” Marat said, rolling his eyes.

“I’m sorry. Did I hurt your feelings?” Katerina said. Marat flashed her a fake smile. She just laughed.

“Okay, okay…you’re the boss. Why don’t you check these designs for now, see if you like any of them

then we’ll see if it’s good for your place, plan for adjustments and schedule it.”


New York

Angela woke up suddenly to the sound of police sirens eight floors down. She’s been down

and out for thirty minutes. She got off the bath and put on her robe. Her mom still wasn’t home. She walked

to the sink to brush her teeth. She opened the mirrored cabinet on top of the sink to get her toothbrush.

When she closed it, she felt like she was shot with a bolt of electricity when she saw her reflection

on the mirror. Blood was trickling from her mouth. She took a towel and wiped her lips. She washed her

mouth with water, gargled and spat it out. She checked her tongue for cuts but there was none. She

gargled again and the water she spat out was clear. But, she was still worried. This wasn’t supposed to happen to her.


When Angela was already asleep, her mom came home. She went to see her in her room

to kiss her good night, but she went in the bathroom first to wash her hands. She picked up a towel

to wipe her hands dry. Then she saw it. The towel had blood on it. She took it, and went to Angela.

She was sleeping soundly. She didn’t want to wake her so she left her room. She made up her mind right

then, she was going to tell her daughter first thing in the morning. She wants Angela to stay in New York

so she can at least get continuous check ups, medications and therapy. Dr. Dane had told her it wasn’t going

to be much help but it will at least delay the symptoms and give Angela an extra couple of months at least.

[annie]

Chapter 26


The next day, Maria woke up to the rattle of utensils in the kitchen. Angela was making breakfast.

She sat up on her bed, psyched her self up for the task at hand. She said a little prayer and went out the room.

“Hey, good morning!” Angela said as Maria came in to the dining. “I made your favorite, pancakes,

bacon and eggs! Take a seat.”

“Gelya, I need to tell you something. Please sit down.” Maria said. Her heart was pounding.

She was worried about how Angela was going to take what she was about to tell her.

“Okay, I need to tell you something too.” Angela said, sitting down not noticing how tense

her mother was. “I’m leaving for Moscow tomorrow.” She said.

“Angela, please let me…” Maria started but Angela didn’t stop talking.

“Marat called the other night and he misses me. I miss him too so I told him I’m coming back

tomorrow. I already bought the tickets I just have to pick it up later. And I’ve already packed. I didn’t bring a lot,

I still have clothes in his apartment.” Angela said. She looked so excited and happy, not a care about the world.

“You can’t leave. You have to stay here.” Maria tried to say with force, but just couldn’t. She

sounded more like pleading.

But this time, Angela noticed how tense she was. She noticed that she was serious. As serious

as she was when she told her they had to leave Moscow eight years ago. She would never forget that

feeling as it signaled for her having to leave everything she hold dear behind. Including Marat.

“But I already gave him my word. I don’t want him to be mad at me, mom. Not again. I’m not

going to do that to him.” She said, with steely conviction. “I can’t. You know how hard that was

for me the last time.”

Silence.

Then.

“Well, alright. Have to pick up the ticket. Places to go, people to see.” She said, jumping

out of her seat. She was suddenly little miss sunshine again just like that. “I’ll see you later, mom.”

And she was out the door.

Maria sighed of disappointment. Disappointed in herself not being able to do what she

needed to do. And disappointed in the situation because now, Angela has made up her mind, and it was

going to be much harder to convince her not to leave.


The next day, JFK Airport 8:30 am

Angela and Maria were sitting at the waiting area inside the JFK Airport. They haven’t

spoken to each other since they left their pad early that morning. In the car, as Maria was driving,

Angela could feel the awkwardness in the silence. She knew her mom doesn’t want her to go back

to Moscow, but what she didn’t know is why, and why just suddenly. They’ve already discussed

and agreed that she could stay in Moscow as long as she wanted, in one of the long distance calls

to each other while she was still in Russia. She wanted to ask her mother what the matter was.

But, she didn’t really want to give her mother a chance to try and convince her to stay. And she knew timing

is what she needed to avert that. So, she just waited until the firs call to board the plane was aired.

“Mom, do you want to tell me what the matter is?” She asked. Maria looked at her.

She stared back. Maria was silent for another second.

“If I tell you, would you stay?” Maria asked. It was Angela who waited a while now before answering.

She was trying to read her mom. She looked really worried and sad, like how she did eight years ago

when she told her they were going to leave Russia.

“No.” She answered finally. She looked down, took a deep breath and continued, “Mom, I know

you’re worried about me. We both know I could get sick again anytime. But I can take care of myself.”

She didn’t realize she had a small smile on her lips. “It took me a while to grasp that, but I have.

And now, I just…want to live my life to the fullest. You know, make everything right.” She looked at her mother,

“I just want to be happy for the rest of my life.” She said, shaking her head a little and shrugged,

“However long or short it may be.”

Maria opened her mouth, tried to say something, but Angela continued what she was

saying and cut her off.

“I don’t want to be confined in the hospital and be just another lab rat again.” She said,

with conviction. “We’ve agreed on that. That’s why we chose to go with the medicines. But I’m feeling

fine now. Nothing’s wrong. I thought you understood?”

“I do, honey, it’s just…” Maria started saying but was cut off this time by the last call to board the plane.

“Mom, I gotta go.” She kissed her mother’s cheek and started to gather her belongings.

“Have you even told Marat?” Maria asked. “Have you told him the truth about why you had to leave

without a trace back then?” That stopped Angela on her tracks, at least for a moment. She sighed.

“No.” She smiled. “I haven’t told him. It’s kind of hard to just suddenly say, ‘Oh, by the way I had

cancer and it could come back anytime’ while you’re having a romantic time, you know.” She slung her

bag on her shoulder. “I’ll tell him. I just need some time to do that.” She said. She turned around

and walked to the ramp.

Maria watched her disappear. When she could see her no longer, her tears fell slowly, silently.

“That’s the problem, honey. You don’t have time. You have three months.”

Her pain increased as she whispered those words to herself. She wiped her tears dry, and sighed.

“Be safe, honey. Be happy, my Angel.”

[annie]

Chapter 27

October 15, 2005 9:17 pm Moscow, Russia

It was already dark outside when Marat came home to his apartment. He checked his cell phone for any messages…

for the 50th time that day, but there was nothing. At least none from whom he was waiting for. He let out a small sigh, and slid

the phone back to his jeans pocket. He took his key out the other pocket and slid it to the keyhole un-enthusiastically and

turned it. There was no sound of the lock clicking signifying it being unlocked. He wondered if he had left it open when he

left that morning. Tried to remember if he did as he let the door swing open in its own. He knew he locked it. He even

double-checked it lest he wants some crazy person messing with his properties. Not that it wasn’t already a mess to begin with,

but he didn’t want any of them ending up for bid in the Internet. Finally, he stepped in. Careful not to make any noise, so as not

to alert any intruder, if any was still inside. He imagined his apartment would’ve been ransacked, but as he moved further inside,

there was no sign of a robbery. Everything was at its proper place. Not the way he left it, but better. It looked like

somebody has cleaned his place up. He relaxed a bit as he came to a conclusion that his mom must’ve dropped by that

afternoon and cleaned up. Suddenly, his mobile phone rang.

It was the one he has been waiting for all day.

“Angela? Hey!” He said, trying not to sound excited but miserably failing.

“Hey, how are you?” She said on the other end.

“I’m good. Just got home, my apartment’s squeaky clean. Where are you? Are you at the airport?” He asked.

He walked to his room and kicked off his shoes.

“No, I’m…at home.” She said.

“Oh,” Marat said, his tone went lower as did his heart. “I thought you were coming back here the

other day.” He sat down on the edge of his bed. “I thought you might be…here already.”

“I know. Are you disappointed?”

He put his elbow on his knee and hand on the head, “Well, yeah. A little. So, when are you really coming back?”

“I’m not sure. Could be a while.” She said. She heard him sigh. “But, I have a surprise for you.”

“What is it?” He said, without real interest. He lay back on the bed, legs hanging over the edge.

“Close your eyes.” Angela told him.

“Okay.” He said, but didn’t do it.

“You didn’t close your eyes.”

“Ha ha…” he laughed without fervor. “All right, there, my eyes are closed.” He said, putting an arm on top of his eyes.

Angela sneaked out of the bathroom silently and walked towards Marat.

“Okay, you can open your eyes now…” she said on her mobile phone.

Marat lifted his arm off his eyes and opened them.

“Surprise!!” Angela said, beaming in front of him. His eyes grew wide in surprise and dropped his phone.

He couldn’t move for a second or two but he had a big grin on his face. Angela jumped into bed beside him and got on top of him.

“Did you like the surprise?” She said, playfully, like a little girl.

“Yeah!” Marat said, “But I thought you said you were at home?”

“I did. And I am. You…” She said, tapping her finger on Marat’s nose once, “You’re my home.” She told him,

touching his lips. He smiled.

“Welcome home, then!” He said, pulling her closer and kissed her. She put her arms around his neck. Then he

rolled her over to his side. They stopped kissing and just stared at each other for a few seconds. They looked intertwined

with their arms and legs wrapped around each other.

“Did you miss me?” She asked affectionately.

“You have no idea.” He said with the same adoration. “How about you?” He asked, stroking loose

strands of hair off her forehead.

“Immensely.” She said. “You really should do something about your hair soon.” She said, diverting the mood.

“What’s wrong with my hair?”

“There’s a lot of it?” She said, pulling his hair gently, playfully.

“Have you seen my father?” Marat said, “If I have his hair genes, there’s not gonna be a lot of it when I get older.”

“I don’t care. I’d still love you with no hair.” She said, pinching his nose.

He rewarded her with a kiss for that. He wanted to give more but she stopped him suddenly.

“What is it?”

“I’m…tired.” She said, “I cleaned up the whole place and I’m still a little jetlagged.” She lied. She wasn’t

really tired.

In the middle of it all, she felt woozy. Like she blacked out for just a couple of seconds. And that scared her.

“Of course.” He sighed. “All right, I’ll just clean myself up so we can sleep.” He said, and stood up.

After a few minutes he came back in. He jumped to bed and cuddled up. He fell asleep in a few minutes

with Angela wrapped in his arms. But she wasn’t really sleeping. She was thinking about why her mother was

acting the way she was when they already both know her real condition. It was weird. Unless her mom knew something

she didn’t. And she couldn’t help but link that to what happened earlier when she “blacked out”.


Manhattan New York

“How exactly are things gonna happen?” Maria asked Dr. Dane. They were in a corner table in the restaurant Maria

manages and co-owns.

“The symptoms are gonna show up one by one, but I cannot tell in which order and how soon.” Dr. Dane said,

“But if all the symptoms do show up…it means…” He could not finish his sentence. This has become for personal for him.

“There’s no way you can tell when she’s…when it’s going to happen?” Maria asked. The edges of her voice was so

broken, you could feel how her heart was crushing.

“I’m sorry.” Dr. Dane said. “Like I told you, the changes are over the charts. If we had only diagnosed this a

year ago, we could’ve done something. If we are to do anything about it…if we want there to be at least a bit of chance

to help her, she has to want to help herself. She needs to be here.”

“You know how stubborn she is.” Maria said, shaking her head. “What symptoms are we talking about?” Maria asked.

“The most common is loss of appetite, dizziness, bleeding gums, nose bleeds…”

“I found a bloodied towel in her bathroom a few days ago.” Her expression got even more worried than she

already was. “Oh my God, Mark…”

“It doesn’t always happen in order…” Dr. Dane said, trying to calm her to no avail. “We won’t really be sure

unless she’s here.”

“She’s not going to come back. Not if she doesn’t want to.” Maria said.

“Then make her want to.” He told her.

She looked at him as if he had given her an answer. And perhaps he did. She was going to make her daughter

want to come home…even if it means being hated. That’s just the risk she had to take.

[annie]

Chapter 28


“Where did you say you were going, again?” Marat asked Angela as she was making herself up in front of the

mirror. He was still lying on the bed.

“Just buying some groceries. I want to make you something special tonight.” She winked.

“What time will you be done?”

“It’ll take less than an hour.” Then she turned around to look at him. “You’d probably still be there when

I get back!” She said, grinning.

“Funny. I’m meeting with Dima for brunch. Maybe you can meet us there?”

“Yeah, okay.” She packed her things in a small purse.

“Help me get up!” Marat said. She stood up and walked over to Marat, offering her hand. He pulled her

down towards him and hooked his arm around her shoulder, until they were just a few inches apart.

“You look beautiful.” He said, and kissed her. “I love you.”

“I love you more.” She said. “Now, let’s go…you still have to get dressed.!”


As Angela was grocery shopping, her phone rang. She didn’t even bother to look at the screen to see who

was calling. She assumed it was Marat.

“What? You miss me already?” She said.

“What did you expect?”

“Mom!” She said, almost dropping her phone out of surprise.

“Good. You still recognize my voice.” Maria said. It was obvious she was trying to control her emotions from

the sound of her voice. Angela didn’t talk. She didn’t know what to say.

“You have to come home at once.” Maria said finally.

“Mom, I already told you…I want to stay with Marat!” Angela said.

“No! You are coming home. If you care about him, you are coming home!” Maria said.

“What are you talking about? He’d want me to stay…he won’t want me to go…” She defended.

“I’m not talking about what he wants. I’m talking about if you want to see him suffer as you do

in front of him.” Maria said.

There was no turning back now. She has to tell her daughter the dreaded truth. “Angela, listen to me.

You are dying. You don’t have long to live.”

“But the doctor said I’m okay, the cancer is gone and I’ve been taking medications…”

“You have less than three months!” She cut her off. “If you don’t come home…If you don’t come home,

you are going to die. Slowly.” Maria said. Her voice controlled, but her tears on the other end cannot be controlled.

“Tell me, do you want him to see you like that? Don’t you remember how you wanted to protect him from

this, all those years ago when you first had cancer? You knew it was gonna affect him. That’s why we kept it

a secret from him. You didn’t want to distract him from pursuing his career.” She paused. “If you…if you die, it’s going to break him. I know, because…because I

was broken when your father died. Think about it.”

“You lie.” Angela said. “I don’t believe you. I can’t believe you would say anything just to keep

me away from him. Goodbye mother.”

Did she really not believe her mother? Or she just didn’t want to believe her?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

At the café where Marat and Dmitry were having brunch…


“Man, I really wish you can join the team.” Dmitry said, “I mean you have more experience than any

of us. Plus, I feel more confident when you’re around.”

“Man, you talk like you’re in love with me.” Marat said, suddenly bursting in laughter. “I can’t blame

you though, I am hot.”

“Sure, rub it in. Like, I don’t get jealous enough when you get all the attention.” Dmitry said, without

being serious. Then out of the blue, he just stopped on his tracks, looking straight to the other side of the street.

His eyes grew wider and his mouth was the shape of a small “o”.

“What’s wrong with you?” Marat asked him, “Dude, you look like you saw an angel.”

“Man, if I ever see an angel, I’m sure it’d look like that…” Dmitry said, not taking his eyes off what he

was looking at. Marat followed his gaze and saw who it was. He smiled when he did. It was Angela. She was

looking for them, looking around, with her hair gently blown by the wind. When she finally spotted them, she

smiled and waved.

“Oh my god, am I in heaven?” Dmitry said, “Did you see that, man? She just smiled and

waved at me!”

“Sure.” Marat said, keeping himself from laughing. Angela started to cross the street towards them.

“Man, she’s walking over here.” Dmitry said, rather excitedly. “Do I look okay?”

“Hi!” Angela said when she reached them. “Did I take long?”

“Yeah, where have you been all my life?” Dmitry said. At that point Marat could no longer contain

himself. He burst out laughing especially because there’s a puzzled look on Angela’s eyes.

“Don’t mind him, he’s crazy!” He told Angela, still laughing. “You’re just on time.”

“Okay.” Angela said, she walked towards Marat and gave him a peck on the cheek, and sat beside

him. Dmitry was awestruck.

“You know her?” He asked Marat.

“Yeah, I told you we were meeting my girlfriend didn’t I?” Marat said, “You should see your face

right now, Tursunov! You’re as red as a tomato!” He just can’t stop laughing.

“What is going on here?” Angela asked, she has no idea what was so funny…only to Marat.

“You suck, man! You suck!” Mitya said, shaking his head. Then she looked at Angela, looking so

innocent. “I don’t know how you put up with this guy! You must have a lot of patience.” He told her, “Anyway, I’m

Dmitry. You can call me Dima or Mitya or whatever you want.” He said, with a smile.

“Or you can call him Tursunov!” Marat said.

“It’s nice to meet you, Tursunov.” Angela said to Dima, offering her hand.

“Ah, that’s it. You’re both crazy!” Dima said, sighing. “I guess you have to be a bit crazy to get

along with this guy.”

“Yeah, he’s a crazy…” She told him, looking at Marat “But that’s the way I like it.” He touched

her face.

“Awww….that’s sweet. Excuse me I have to go to the bathroom.” Mitya said.

While Mitya was gone, Marat told her what was so funny. Angela laughed too although she was

telling him how mean it was. Mitya came back shortly after their food was served. Marat and Angela were talking

about how their evening was gonna be. Their faces were so close to each other.

“So…?” Marat said, flashing his sexy smile.

“So…”Angela said, smiling back.

“That’s it then?” He asked.

“Yep, look like it…” She said. It was like they were the only two people in the café, when

Mitya barged in.

“Hey, I’m back!” He said. The two snapped out of the trance they were sharing. “Was I interrupting

something?”

“No.” Marat said.

“No.” Angela seconded.

“It’s okay kids, I’m not the principal.” Mitya told them.

“Well, then yes, you did interrupt something.”

“NO! It was nothing. My coffee’s not here…I’ll just go get it.” Angela said, then she turned to Marat

and gave him a look. Marat just gave her a big smile. Then he noticed Mitya, also smiling.

“What are you smiling about?” He asked him.

“Nothing! I didn’t say a thing!” Mitya said. He let out a little laugh.

“What?” Marat asked.

“I like her.” Mitya said, “For you, I mean.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, like, you’re smiling like a kid on Christmas morning when she’s around.” Mitya said. “Not

a sight you see everyday.”

“She makes me happy.” Marat confirmed. Looking back at Angela waiting for her coffee at the

counter. Mitya followed suit. “I’m sure…in more ways than one. Oooh!” Mitya said.

“Eat your breakfast, Tursunov!” Marat said. Mitya gave him a hands up, and started eating.


After brunch, Marat and Dima still had somewhere to go so they dropped Angela off near Marat’s

apartment. Angela got into the elevator, rewinding what happened earlier in her mind, and that made

her smile. As she was getting off the elevator on their floor, she suddenly felt dizzy. It was like she was looking

at the whole corridor under a telescope, winding it up and down with shaky arms. She held herself up by leaning

on the wall. It lasted only for several seconds, but it felt longer. When she recovered, she started walking towards

the pad. As she closed the door behind her, she couldn’t help but think about what her mother had told her

on the phone. Maybe her mom was telling the truth, but she just doesn’t want to believe that. But, now, doubt

is really starting to creep in. Just the thought of telling Marat, and how he would feel upon learning about

it scares her. She needed time to prepare him and herself. She thought she had time, but now she learns

that she have only but a couple of months. Worst yet, it worries her. In her heart, she don’t want --she can’t--

see him get hurt. She can’t take that. It would hurt her more.

[annie]

Chapter 29


[glow=red,2,300]October 17, 2005. Moscow, Russia. 22:45 p.m.[/glow]

It’s Fashion Week in Moscow. Marat and Angela were supposed to attend an event that night. They’ve discussed

about going days before. Angela was so excited because it was the first time she was going to attend such event. She never

really got to go to watch fashion shows in New York even when she lived there. She just didn’t have any interest about those

things back then. But she wanted to experience this now so when the invitation came, she asked Marat if they could come.

He was reluctant at first. He wasn’t really interested in going but since Gelya wanted to go, he couldn’t say no.


But there he was, all by himself. He was not having as much fun as he usually does. He was thinking about Angela.

What’s she doing? Should he call her up to check? These past several days had her almost blacking out quite frequently.

She almost had had to hold on to things so as not to lose her balance and topple over. The episodes only lasted for a few seconds

to a couple of minutes but they were frequent enough to make him concerned. He had told her they should see a doctor but she

refused. She told him it was only due to her migraine, or some other minor reasons, and that she’s taking medicine for it already.

But he still worries. And now, in his disconcertment, he didn’t realize how much he has had to drink already and he’s feeling

buzzed. He saw Dasha, his former girlfriend, and she came to talk to chat with him for a while. Photographers feasted at the

opportunity. But he was not that much concerned about that.


[glow=red,2,300]7: 35 a.m.[/glow]

That morning when she woke up, Gelya was even more excited to go to the event. Her excitement was so contagious

that even Marat caught it. She was like a kid on Christmas Eve and Marat couldn’t help but smile.

“Who else are gonna be there?” Gelya asked, munching thru a spoonful of cereals.

“A bunch of famous people that I don’t really care about.” Marat said, putting down his cup of coffee.

“There’ll be actors?”

“Yeah.”

“And musicians?”

“Uh-huh.”

“And mo-dels?” She asked, in a singsong way, trying to tease Marat. He read what she was trying to do and decided

to play along with it.

“Of course! Those ultra-fine, uber-sexy super models…I’ve been looking forward to seeing them the most actually.”

He said, playing cool. He saw Gelya pouting in the corner of his eyes. “You still want to go?” He asked. She didn’t answer. He

gave her a few more seconds and then he laughed. “Haha, you never change! You’re always jealous!”

“I’m not jealous.” She defended.

“Yes you are! And this is how you always react when you are, ever since.” He said.

“And how is that?”

“You don’t talk, you just become quiet. But you can see in your face that you are so jealous.”

“I am NOT jea-lous!” She told him, putting emphasis on every syllable. Then she stood up, taking her emptied bowl of

cereals and putting it down in the sink…not so gently. Marat just finds it amusing when she’s acting like that…or rather he just

finds her so sexy when she gets mad like that.

“Come back here.” He called after her. “Gelya, c’mon get back here.”

Angela wouldn’t budge, she was standing near the sink with her arms across her chest, still pouting.

“You know, that’s exactly how you looked that night at the bar when I was dancing with those two women.” Marat said.

She pouted even more and looked away. Marat finally stood up and walked towards her stopping just in front of her. He held her

face with both hands, gently maneuvering it so she’s facing straight at him.

“Look at me.” Marat said. She looked at him. “When are you gonna believe that you are the most beautiful woman on

earth for me? Only you.” He asked her. “And I don’t care about those girls walking on the runway, or those girls you see in the

magazines, or even the latest beauty queen. Not one of them has anything on you. You are my beauty queen…even just wearing

my over sized shirt.”

She finally cracked a smile.

“You believe me now?” He asked. She nodded. “I love you. You’re my whole heart. You’re my soul.

You’re my Angel, right?”

Angela just hugged him. “I love you…so much.” He hugged her too. “So you know what you’re gonna wear later?”

She asked.

“Yeah, whatever’s clean.” He snickered.

“Aren’t you even gonna try to dress up nicely? It is a fashion event, you know. And you’re hair is so messy, when are

you gonna have it cut?”

“You didn’t have a problem with it last night.” He teased her.

She wrinkled her nose and smiled, “Well, at least tie it up. You look cute like that.”

“Fine.” He started tickling her and she tried eluding but couldn’t escape.

“Hey what’s that?” He noticed a bruising at Angela’s nape.

“Huh? What?” She didn’t know about it either.

“You got a bruise on the back of your neck. Where did you get that?” He asked, a bit concerned.

“I don’t know. I don’t remember hitting anything.” She said. Marat turned her around and lifted the collar up her back

so he could see more. There was couple more bruises on her upper back.

“You have couple more here. What did you get into?” He asked, growing more concerned. “Does it hurt?”

“No.”

He poked at it a little bit, “How about when I do that, does it hurt?”

“No.” But she sounded a bit uncertain. She was thinking it might be another manifestation of her illness.

He lifted her shirt up at the back and saw several smaller ones at her lower back too.

“There’s a few more her too. Gelya, do you want to see a doctor? I think we should.”

“No, it’s probably just because of my period. You know I bruise easily when my period’s coming.”

“Are you sure?” Marat asked.

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

She wasn’t.


[glow=red,2,300]19:48 p.m.[/glow]

Later that night, Marat came home from his check-up with his doctor earlier to pick up Angela at his apartment. She

was supposed to be dressed up already but she wasn’t.

“Gelya, c’mon, aren’t you ready yet?” He thought Angela was still preparing inside the room, but there was no answer.

He came inside the bedroom and saw her sleeping.

“Wake up, Sleeping Beauty!” He said, sitting on the bed beside Angela.

“Hmm?” She opened her eyes, “Oh you’re here already.” She sat up, still not fully awake.

“Yeah, why aren’t you ready dressed yet?”

“I was going to…but I felt dizzy and thought I’d take a nap for…” she glanced at the table clock, “two hours?! Oh gosh,

I didn’t realize I slept that long!” She said, rather surprised.

“Well, you better get up now and get dressed, or we’ll be late. And I know how much you don’t like being late.” He said,

pulling her up from the bed.

She stood up finally and started ushering him out of the room “Okay, okay, now get out so I can dress.” She said, “I’ll

be done in a few minutes.”

Marat went to the living room to wait for her. He turned on the television on so he won’t get bored. He wasn’t even sitting

there for 15 minutes when he heard something heavy dropped to the floor in the bedroom. He ran back in calling out Angela. He

saw her slumped on the floor trying to stand up.

“What happened to you?” He came to her side and assisted her.

“I don’t know I just felt dizzy, then all went black and next thing I know I fell to the floor.” She said.

“I told you, you should have came with me to the hospital to get a check-up. Why won’t you listen to me.” Marat said.

“Sorry, dad.” She joked. He helped her sit on the bed and sat beside her.

“It’s not funny.” He said, “I’m really worried, this has been happening to you so frequently. What if it happens when

you’re crossing the street? Or walking down the stairs?”

“I already told you, it’s nothing, its just migraine. I have medicine for it.” She insisted.

“Fine.” He said, “But I don’t think we should go to that Fashion Week event. I don’t think you’re up to it.”

“Yeah, no, I’m not. But you should go.” She told him.

“No, I’m staying here with you.” He stood up and took his jacket off, and went inside the bathroom.

“Marat, you have to go there. People are expecting you, and you did confirm your attendance.” She stood up and

picked up his jacket.

“I only did that because you wanted to go.”

“Yes, but I’m only your plus one. My name is not on the guest list.” She said, “It’s you who’s really invited…Are we

gonna argue about this?” She followed him, stood just outside the door.

“But I’m just worried about you.” He said, zipping up his pants. “What if you black out again?”

“I’ll be fine, I’ll take it easy, and just stay here, so I won’t fall and hit anything,” She said, standing beside the sink as

Marat was washing his hands. “Besides, you’re already dressed up.”

“You sure?” He looked at her.

“Yes.” She said, putting up his jacket so he can slip in to it. “Go.”

“All right.” He conceded, “But I’m going to call you several times, and you better pick up or I’m coming home and I

won’t care if it’s right in the middle of a show.”

“Okay.” She said with hands up. “Go, go, go!”

So Marat left the apartment. When he got to his car, he immediately called Angela.

“Hello?” Angela said on the other end.

“It’s me, just checking up on you.”

“Marat, you just left.”

“I haven’t left I’m just outside, in my car.” Marat said, “Are you sure you want me to go?”

“Yes, now go!” She said, “You are so stubborn!”

“Oh, I’m stubborn?”

“Ay, Marat!” She sighed, “Good bye. Have fun. We are not having this argument.” And she clicked off the phone.

“Hello? Hello? Angela, hello?” He heard the line go dead. He had no choice but to go, so he did.


[glow=red,2,300]23: 10 p.m.[/glow]


And so there he was, in a party he should be enjoying surrounded with beautiful people, good food and good drinks,

but he wasn’t. Dasha has left his company to join another group. She probably found him uninterested in having a conversation.

All he did was nod, or say da or nyet. He has stopped drinking now too.

He took out his mobile phone and dialed his apartment’s and Angela’s numbers subsequently for the nth time. He’s

tried a couple of times already but it keeps getting cut off because no one was picking up. The alcohol in his system is quickly

burning up and his mind is becoming more sober. He’s starting to really worry, almost to a point of panic. He clicked off his phone

and started on his way to leaving. A couple of acquaintance got in his way and offered him a drink. He politely declined, and left

in a hurry.


[glow=red,2,300]22:07 p.m.[/glow]


A couple hours after Marat left the apartment, Angela couldn’t sleep yet so she turned on the t.v., and watched for a

while. But she couldn’t find anything to watch, so she decided to just have a warm bath. She thought it might help. She took

out Marat’s Sting CD and put it on the player, then she went to the bathroom and filled the tub with water and got in.


She lost track of time at the tub. She had her eyes closed relaxing to the music, and fell asleep for a few minutes. It

had actually been half an hour and her fingers were wrinkling. She decided it was enough. She stood up, pulled the plug to

drain the water, and grabbed a towel to wrap herself in. As she was doing so, the phone rang. And as if on cue, she felt dizzy.

She held on to the sink and struggled her way to the door. She was halfway towards it, when she suddenly blacked out and fell

to the floor. The phone kept ringing.


[glow=red,2,300]23: 54 p.m.[/glow]

Marat ran to his apartment as soon as he got out of his car. When he opened the door, Sting was still playing.

“Angela!” He called out. “Ange, where are you? Are you here?” He turned off the player. He went to the kitchen but

she wasn’t there. “Gelya, where are you? I’ve been calling, you weren’t picking the phone up.”

He thought maybe she was already sleeping so he went to the bedroom. “Ange?” She wasn’t there. His heart’s

beginning to race now. He was about to get out of the room when he noticed the bathroom door slightly open. He quickly turned

towards it, and opened the door. He saw her lying on the floor, and rushed to her side and dropped to his knees. He raised her

on his arms and shook her up a little bit.

“Angela! Gelya! Wake up!” Marat said, almost hysterically. “Oh, God, Angie wake up, please!” He lifted her up and

brought her into the bedroom. She placed her on the bed. She was like a limp rag doll. He felt for her pulse and it was okay, just

slightly slow. He was still very worried and scared. He was on the verge of tears. He picked the phone up to call for rescue when

she gave a little gasp of breath and moved her head. He dropped the phone to the floor and went to her side.

“Angela?” Marat said, touching her face. She opened her eyes slowly.

“Marat…” Angela said, “You’re home.” She said, her voice so soft. She sat up, Marat helped her and placed some

pillow on her back.

“Yeah, I was worried about you. I was calling, and you weren’t picking up. I got home and found you in the bathroom.

What happened to you?”

“I don’t know. I must’ve fainted.”

“Are you okay? Are you hurt? Did you hit your head?” He asked, inspecting her head.

“No, I don’t think so.” She noticed Marat was shaking a bit. “Are you okay? You’re shaking.”

“I’m fine.” He said, “It must be the nerves.” He held her face. He wanted so much to be mad at her because she wouldn’t

listen to him about going to the doctor, but he was just so relieved that she was now conscious. “Don’t you ever do that to me

again! Don’t ever scare me like that, you understand?”

“Well, I’ll try my best.” She said, smiling a bit. In her mind, she wasn’t sure how she can do that if this was indeed how

her illness is manifesting itself. She had to know for sure. She had to know it her mom was really telling her the truth, and how

far worse she has become. But for now she had to show a brave face. Marat held her tight in his arms. Then she remembered

she only had her towel on. “Ah…can I get my clothes on first at least?”

That night, Marat stayed up as long as he can just watching Angela as she slept beside him. When he was finally too

tired, he put her head over his shoulder and held her in his arms through the whole night.

[annie]

Chapter 30


October 23, 2005


For the past few days after that incident, Angela grew even more bothered about her condition. She began researching over

the Internet, secretly, making excuses from Marat just so she can be alone. She just didn’t want

to let him know about it because shedoesn’t want him to worry. He has enough to worry about, and

he can’t do anything about it anyway. When she wasn’t satisfied with what she knew, she looked for

ways to contact her doctor. Then she emailed him asking him to send her his files on her. She wants to know

exactly what it is that she has.


In all this, Marat has been left feeling a little neglected. He wanted to spend time with her all the time, asking her to

accompany him on photo shoots, magazine interviews, everywhere but she just kept declining his

invitation. She’d rather stay at the apartment by herself, and pushing him to go on his own.

She didn’t tell anyone else either. She figured if someone else knew then it would eventually get to Marat.

She kept everything to herself. She didn’t realize that this was putting strain in their relationship.

This was most true when Marat invited her out to see a movie.

“So, that movie you were raving about last month is finally out, you wanna see it? I’m free tonight!” Marat told her.

“If I remember correctly, it was you who was so excited about it.” She said with disinterest.

“And if you weren’t so dense you’d realize that I am asking you out.” Marat answered.

“Oh, I’m dense? I’m dense and you’re Mother Theresa.” She said with unexpected disdain, which at that moment she wasn’t

aware of.

Marat was surprised, “What is wrong with you? I’m just asking you out to see a movie.” He said.

“What? It’s not obvious that I don’t want to go out? If you want to see that movie so much why don’t you go by yourself and leave

me alone! I don’t have to go wherever you want, I’m not your shadow.”

If it were anyone else, Marat would have already blown his top off. But it was Angela, and he couldn’t even if he wanted to.

So instead of retorting, he just gave up. “All right. I’m going out.”

“Good! Go! Leave me alone.” She said.

As soon as Marat left and closed the door behind him, she realized what she’s done. She could feel he was hurt by the sound of his step

and of the door as he closed it. But it was too late now. She didn’t follow him out or called after him.

She can’t. She wanted to be alone. So, for now, her apologies will have to wait. After a few minutes,

she got in the net and opened her email account.


Meanwhile, Marat, instead of heading to the cinema went straight to his parents’ house. His parents weren’t there when he came and the

living room lights were turned off. He sat there in the dark until Dinara came out of her room, singing with her i-pod.

“Holy sh*t!” She exclaimed as she saw Marat sitting at the couch when she turned the lights on.

“Dammit, Marat! What are you doing here in the dark? You scared me!” She said, still shivering a bit.

“Sorry.” Marat said, simply.

“Right. Well, I’m glad you didn’t get lost coming here! You still remember the location!” She jumped in the seat across him.

gave her an unenergetic smile in return.

“Something wrong?” She immediately noticed. He answered with sigh. “Where’s Gelya?”

“At my pad.” He said.

“You’re here and Gelya’s at your pad?! And here I was thinking you were inseperable!”

“She wants to be alone. She told me to…go away.” Marat said.

“She doesn’t want to spend the whole day with you? I thought that was supposed to be hard to resist, right?” She joked.

“Don’t patronize me.” Marat said, a bit miffed.

“Oh, we’re serious?” She asked. But she already knew that even though Marat didn’t answer. “You guys had a fight?”

“She did, I didn’t fight back.” Marat said, “I just wanted to see a movie with her so I asked her and she snapped.” He lay on the couch.

“I mean, what’s wrong with wanting to spend some quality time with the person you love?” He continued,

“Lately I feel like she’s distancing away from me…like she’s pushing me away. I mean, even though

were together at the apartment, I feel like she’s so far. She doesn’t even watch t.v. with me. She’s always online in

our room. When we eat together it’s like she’s somewhere else, her mind is not there.

At night, when we sleep, she turns her back on me. Sometimes she even gets out of bed in the middle of the night,

and I’d find her sleeping on the sofa in the living room in the morning. Before, she sleeps on my chest.

We hold each other the whole night like we can’t get enough of each other....”

“Whoa, okay, stop before you start sharing too much information.” Dina said, “I get it, that’s enough.”

Marat sighed. “Okay. All I’m saying is…I feel…like…she’s neglecting me.”

She thought about what Marat has confessed for a couple of minutes. “You know, I think you’re reading too much in to it.”

She said, “You know, maybe she just needs time for herself. You can’t always be beside each other

all the time. Even mom and dad sometimes takes some time apart, right?”

“I don’t know, it just feels different than that…I can’t explain it.” Marat said.

“Trust me brother, she loves you.” Dina assured him. “She wouldn’t have comeback and stayed with you if she didn’t, right?

She didn’t even have another boyfriend when she left until she came back to you.”

“I guess…”

“Just trust me.” She said, “You are the only man she loves. You’re the only man in her life…especially because she never met her dad!”

That last bit made Marat smile at least.

“Tell you what, you should go to the cinema. I’ll go to your apartment and talk to Gelya. I’m not promising anything but, I’ll try to get her here. Deal?”

“You sure?” Marat asked, still sounding discouraged.

“Yeah! C’mon, huh…?” She insisted. She just felt compelled to do something because she isn’t used to him acting like that.

“Fine. Deal.”

So Dina took her coat, and left. Marat stayed for a few minutes sitting at the couch. When he stood up, he turned off the light again and

sat right back at the couch. He reached inside his pocket and took out a piece of paper. It’s a paper

he found under Angela’s pillow. He read it. It said nothing but a name and an email address of a guy

named Mark Dane. He crumpled it in his hand and tossed it in the trash. He closed his eyes and

submerged himself in total darkness for a while.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Back at Marat’s pad, Angela was taking a shower in the bathroom when Dinara came. Angela couldn’t hear her calling from outside the door,

so Dina got inside without her knowing. She was deep in thought that’s why she wasn’t aware of what’s going on outside.

Dinara heard the shower running inside the bathroom in Marat’s bedroom and assumed Angela must be there so she went inside.

As she stepped inside the bedroom, and was about to call Angela’s attention to let her know that she’s there,

the laptop buzzed to alert that an email has been received. She didn’t mean to pry, but the curious cat that

she is she clicked the message open and saw what it was. She’s read only a bit of it when Angela

stepped out of the bathroom and saw her.

“Dina!” She said, surprised to see her. “What are you doing here?” A chill ran down her spine when she saw the laptop in Dina’s hands.

“What is going on here?” Dina said, wide-eyed, confused about what she had just read. “What does this mean?” She gave the laptop

to Angela and she read what it said.

Angela couldn’t speak for a minute. So many thought are streaming into her mind because of what she had just read. She was thinking

whether she should tell Dina. What would happen if she did? Would she tell Marat? She thought of the

consequences of Marat knowing. Everything that she’s been worried about has suddenly all came to

reality, and she was not as prepared as she thought.

“Angela?” Dina interrupted her thought. Angela heard her voice as though it was coming from a long tunnel, she felt dizzy but

she fought it. She closed her eyes for a second. Right then, she decided that it was time to face the reality.

And she needed to be strong in it. She opened her eyes, and looked at Dina and told her everything.

“You read what you read.” She told her, “I have cancer. It’s called chronic myelocytic leukemia. It’s different from the one I had

all those years ago when I left.”

“But how? Does Marat know?” Dina asked. She could feel the heaviness of the situation and that made her feel like it was hard to breathe.

“No.” Angela said.

“Aren’t you gonna tell him? I mean, you should tell him…you guys should go through this together…”

“No. No, I’m going to do this on my own. He doesn’t need to know.” Angela said firmly. “I would not have gone through all the

trouble protecting him from the truth the first time if I’m gonna put him through it now.” She said, with tears

welling up in her eyes. “Do you understand what I’m saying? Promise me, you won’t tell him.”


Dina considered the situation. She understands why Angela didn’t want to tell Marat. She was just trying to protect him.

Rauza had told her all about what happened before when Angela and her mom moved to New York.

She needed to undergo surgery and therapy, which was only available in the US at that time.

They were lucky enough to have found a sponsor for it. Only her mom and dad knew the truth about it.

They hid it from Marat to Angela request because she didn’t want him to lose focus on his training and career.

And that same situation and reason is why Angela doesn’t want to let him know now.

But she also understood that it was unfair for Marat.

“Okay. I promise I won’t tell him…” She said, “…unless, I have to.” She looked straight into Angela’s eyes. Intently.

“Fair enough.” Angela said.

“But you have to know, he’s beginning to feel like you’re hiding something from him.” She said, “He feels like your neglecting him

and you’re pushing him away. He came to the house, earlier and told me.”

“I know…I didn’t mean to, but I guess I’ve been distant” She said, with regret. “Where is he now?”

“At our house, waiting for you.” Dina said, “I told him I’d come and get you.”

“Okay. I’ll dress up and we can go.” She said.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So Dina drove her back to their house. Angela asked to stop at a little flower stall on the way to buy some flowers.

She thought she at least owe Marat a sort of peace offering. When they got there, Dina left Angela

because she had to go somewhere else. So Angela rang the bell. No one answered the first time,

so she rang again several times, until a booming voice answered and send chills down her spine.

But that didn’t discourage her.

“Okay! I heard it the first time!” Marat said from inside the house. She heard his footsteps coming to the door so she put the bouquet

of flowers in front of her, covering her face. So the flowers are what Marat saw first when he opened the door.

“Forgive me?” Angela said, when the door opened. Marat was surprised and could not say anything.

“Can I come in? It’s cold.” she asked.

“Yeah, of course…”

“These are for you by the way.” She handed him the flowers, “So…am I forgiven?”

He took the flowers and smiled just a bit, “There’s nothing you can do that can change the way I feel about you.” He said, “I mean it.”

“Thank you.” And she kissed him. Long and full of passion. Marat held her in his arms tightly. “So, how ‘bout that movie?”


So they went to the movies and had dinner after, then they went back to Marat’s pad. All the while holding each other’s hands as if

they don’t ever want to let go of each other. Marat put the flowers in a pitcher that he doesn’t use

because he didn’t have a vase around and placed it on the table at the living room. They went to sleep,

still holding each other, their bodies seeming to be intertwined. When he thought that Angela was sleeping

tightly already, he whispered something in her ear.

“Ya lublyu tebya, Angela.” He said, “I cannot be without you again. I can’t even bear the thought of that.” And he held her even closer.



But Angela wasn’t really that deep in sleep yet, and she heard what he said. It just made things harder for her.

How is she ever going to tell him everything? She can’t do this on her own. It’s much too hard.



So, when Marat was really asleep, she sneaked out of the bed, took her mobile phone to the bathroom and

called her mom. They talked for about an hour. Maria wanted her to come home. It took a lot of convincing

until she finally relented.

“Okay. I’ll do it.” She told her mom, “Just…I need a week. Give me a week and I’ll come back. I just… I need to do something.”

“Are you sure you can do whatever it is you have to?”

“I’ll do it. No matter how much it’ll hurt.” She said. She turned the phone off and went back to the bedroom. She stood at the foot of

the bed and stared at Marat, sleeping so peacefully. She got back on the bed, and lay close to Marat.

She hugged him and put her head on his chest. He stirred and put his arms around her.

She wanted to cry, but she kept her tears from falling by closing her eyes until she fell asleep.

[annie]

Chapter 31


October 25, 2005


Dinara was going to leave for another tournament in a couple of days so the family had dinner in a

restaurant. Marat and Angela came as well. When Dina and Angela went to the ladies room, Dina

asked her what she was planning to do with the whole situation. Angela didn’t tell her any details

but just told Dina to trust her, and trust that she loves her brother more than anyone else in the

world.


On the way back to the apartment, Angela asked Marat to go to Gorky Park. She told him she wanted

to take in some fresh night air for just a little while. They sat on a bench near the pond where

the ducks used to be. They weren’t there anymore because winter was coming. The tulips were still

there.

“Oh, the ducks have gone…” She sighed, as she looked around. “It’s still a beautiful night.”

She said, “The stars are out.”

“Yeah, but now is really not the best time to be out here.” Marat said. “It’s cold.”

“That’s why there aren’t many people.” Angela said, “You think you can be out here when it’s not

cold and a lot of people are around?” She sighed. “Marat?” She leaned on the bench.

“Hmm?”

“Do you trust me?” She asked.

It sounded like such a random question that Marat didn’t notice how serious she was when she asked

it the first time. “Why do you ask?” He said, laughing a little.

“I just want to know.” She said.

Marat looked at her. She was staring at the sky, deep in thought. He was interested in where this

was all going so he indulged in it. “Of course I do.”

She looked at him, her eyes seem to be pleading. “Tell me. I need you to.”

“I trust you. With my life, I trust you.” He told her.

She smiled. “Thank you.” She said, “I need you to promise me something.”

“Okay.”

“Promise me you’ll never forget this moment, right now, this very moment.” She said, “Do you promise?”

“Yeah. Okay.” He said. She took his hand and placed it over her heart.

“Tell me.” She said.

He could feel her heart beating in his hand, against the softness of her bosom. It was fast but steady,

and so pronounced. “I promise, I won’t forget.” He said.

“I love you...very, very much. I love you more than anything or anyone else in the world. Don’t ever

forget that.” She told him, “Trust that. No matter what happens, no matter what I do or what I say

that makes you feel otherwise, trust that...and don’t ever forget that. Promise me.”

Marat had no idea why she was acting like that. Why she was so full of emotion right now, emotions

that he could not decipher. He was puzzled, but he could feel how serious she was, how intense.

He thought about asking her in jest, but he opted not to. It didn’t feel like the right thing to do or

the right way to react.

“I promise. I won’t ever forget.” He said, “I love you too. Very much.”

Then she hugged him. She buried her face in his chest. His coat covered her face that he could not

see her tears at it stream down her eyes. He held her. His arms wrapped around her.

“Let’s go home.” That was all he could say.


At home that night, they made love with a passion neither of them thought could be possible between

two beings the whole night. So much ardor, so intense and so passionate. Each kiss felt like coals

burning deep in each other’s souls. There was electricity that envelops them with every contact their

bodies made. He could not help but let escape tears from his eyes, out of bliss that shrouded them

like a tidal wave at that moment more than anything else. Little did he know that it was to be the

last time he would be making love to her. The last time that he could feel her warm, feverous, naked

body next to him. The last time she would be kissing him with unmatched fervor and intensity. And

she, knowing what is to come, let herself go as she felt the flurry of emotions exploding, more powerful

than a super nova as he was inside her, and let it engulf her completely. She wished the night to

never end, and the morning to never come.


But all good things must come to an end, no matter how much we want it to go on. And if she is going

to be true to her word, that morning is to be the beginning of their end.


The next morning, she woke up from the sun’s rays leaking in thru the window blinds. She didn’t want

to open her eyes. She didn’t want to wake up from her dream. But she knew she has to. She forced

herself to open her eyes. When she did, the first thing she looked upon was Marat’s face. He was

so close to her. She could hear him breathing. His arm heavy across her bosom, and his leg on hers

and yet it was not why she was breathing with difficulty. She closed her eyes. She was fighting with

herself, forcing herself to do what she has to. She opened her eyes and looked at him again. She

studied his face, every inch of it, as if memorizing it. Memorizing every curve, every nook. Memo-

rizing where the line appears when he smiles. His smile. It breaks her heart that she might have

to never see it again. “I’m doing this for you.” She said softly, but with conviction. She took

his arm off her gently, and pulled her legs out from under his and got out of bed. She took a shower

and got dressed and left.


Marat woke up an hour later with a smile on his face. He stretched his arms across the bed, but he

didn’t feel Angela next to him. He turned over to her side of the bed and buried his face in her

pillow. He could still smell the fragrance of her hair on it. He put the pillow on his side and

hugged it, as if it was her. He replayed all of last night in his head, and he had the happiest,

most contented smile on his face. He thought about spending the rest of his life with her. He could

not picture himself with anyone else to spend it with. Then he decided. He wants her to be his wife.

He’ll ask her to marry him.


Angela went to a travel agency and bought a ticket to fly to New York for that Saturday. She was going

to leave Moscow no matter what happens as she’s promised her mom. Now she only has to think about

how to leave Marat. She didn’t go straight back to the apartment. She wanted to be away from him

for a while, while she thinks about what she’s going to do. She knew that if she sees him, she’ll

never be able to do that. So, she took a walk around the streets with no intention of arriving anywhere.

She just walked until she was tired. When she looked around, she was at the park. At the same place

she and Marat were last night. She sat on the same bench and looked at the tulips. Some of them

have already withered. Soon all of them will be dead as well. She couldn’t help but smile at the

irony of having the same fate as the flowers. She didn’t notice the blood that trickled from her

nose until a drop fell on the back of her hand. She took her handkerchief from her pocket and wiped

it off. She turned her nose up to stop it from bleeding and put the handkerchief over her nose.

Her tears started building up in her eyes. She felt them flow from the corner of her eyes. She knew

it was another sign of her illness from the file her doctor has sent her. It stopped after a couple

of minutes, but the hankie was all bloodied. She stuck it in her coat pocket.


When she went back, it was already a bit dark. Marat was about to leave when she opened the door.

“Oh, sorry!” She almost accidentally hit him with the door.

“Angela!” Marat said, surprised, “I was about to look for you.”

“I’m here now.” She told him. “I’m not missing.” She walked past him, straight to the room and to

the bathroom where she washed the blood off the hankie. She managed to get most of it off but not

all. So she just put it in the laundry basket for the meantime. Marat followed behind her and sat

at the bed.

“I was worried because I couldn’t reach you.” He said.

“I turned my phone off.” She said.

“Well…where have you been?”

She opened the door and came out of the bathroom, “I don’t have to tell you everything that I do!”

She said, with a demeanor almost alien to Marat about her, contempt.

“Okay, you don’t have to tell me.” Marat said, obviously hurt but trying to keep his emotions.

“I didn’t mean to intrude.”

“Good, because you’re not my husband!” She said, “We don’t have a commitment to each other. We’re

not married!” She stormed out of the room and went to the living.

Marat thought he’d figured out where all that was coming from. He thought she was hinting about get-

ting married with that last thing she said. He decided not to tell her about what he was planning

to do. He wanted to surprise her with his proposal. He wants everything to be perfect. He figured

he’d just let her get frustrated a bit until the day he plans on proposing to her.

[annie]

Chapter 32


October 28, 2005, Friday.


This is the day! Marat thought to himself. This is the day he’s going to do it. He is going to propose to her. He’s

got it all planned up for that night. He was so excited he even shaved his beard. He couldn’t wait to see her face

when he finally asks her. She has been acting up ever since that night he thought she went missing. He had found

it amusing. That morning she left again a bit early, not telling him where she was going. But that was okay. He

needed her out of the apartment so he could get everything ready. For the first time in his life, he was actually going

to cook a full course dinner. He had some help, of course. His friend who owns a restaurant already marinated

the chicken he was going to cook. His friend offered to do the whole thing for him but he wanted to have his own

touch on everything. He wanted to do it himself. He brought candles, and some fine linen to put over his dinner

table. He even has the ring. He was sure she was going to love it. Everything was going to be perfect. Or so he

thought.



When Angela came home that night, the apartment was dark. Except for the single candle lighted on the table.

When she got closer she saw the table prepared for a dinner for two. Then Marat appeared behind her, whispering

in her ear. She didn’t like what this was looking like.



“Welcome home.” He said. He took her purse and coat and put it on the couch. She didn’t move an inch. “Sit

down, I prepared dinner.” He said with pride.

“What’s this about?” She asked him, as she sat down. He walked to the other chair and sat.

“I just thought I should prepare something for this…special night.” Marat said. “Well, let’s eat.”

“Why don’t you turn the light on so I could see.” She said. Every second that passes makes her more nervous.

She kept wishing it wasn’t what she was thinking it was. He stood up to turn the light on. She started eating the

soup, when Marat bought out the chicken from the oven. It smelled fantastic and he was so proud of it.

“Here you go. Try it, it’s good.” He served her some. She took a small bite and nothing else. She was too tense

to eat. “What’s the matter, you don’t like it?” Marat asked. He looked so handsome, with such a loving look on

his eyes. She couldn’t take it anymore.

“What is this?” Angela said, “What are you doing?”

“Okay, I guess I don’t have to wait till dinner’s over…” Marat said. He stood up and walked towards Angela. He

took a deep breath as he knelt on one knee. “Gelya, I…want to ask you…” He sighed, “God, I didn’t know I was

gonna be this nervous…” But he continued, nevertheless. “I could not picture myself for the rest of my life living

with somebody else. I’ve lost you once already, and I can’t let that happen again. I know I can be difficult to live

with, and I’m sure we’ll have a lot of arguments…but I promise I’ll never hurt you, and let you win all the time…well,

most of the time. I just…if you’re up to it, I want you to marry me.”

He took the ring out of his pocket and showed it to Angela. “Gelya, will you marry me?” He looked so full of hope,

and excited and nervous at the same time. And Angela’s heart was breaking as she took the cue. This is it. She

had to do it now. There’s no other time. She had to before he gets even deeper.

“I’m sorry.” She told him. Looking away. Marat was shocked and disappointed. But he kept his cool.

“Oh…okay. I guess you’re just as surprised as I am right now.” He said. He stood up and sat on his chair. “Okay.

I guess you need time to think about it. You got it.”

“No.” She said, softly that only she can trace the cracks on her voice. “That’s not what I mean.” She continued.

She gathered all her strength to say what she’s about to. “I can’t marry you… She said, “I don’t want to marry you.”

With more conviction, she added.

He tried making sense of it all. It was happening so fast inside his head. Then it all sunk in. The email address,

the late night phone calls, her coldness towards him. He was starting to get enraged. He kept himself from erupting.

He had to know the truth first before he does. He was trembling with anger. Then he asked it.

“Is there someone else?” He asked her.

“What?” She didn’t understand what he was asking.

“Is it Mark Dane?” He asked. She finally got it. And then she realized that he was inadvertently giving her some

sort of alibi.

“You want to know the truth?” She asked him, putting on a brave face.

“Yes. I f*#$ing want to know the f*#$ing truth!” He said, raising his voice.

Stay strong Angie. Stay strong. She kept repeating that in her head. “Yes.” She said, “It is. It’s because of Mark.”

Her heartbeat was getting faster, but she didn’t flinch a bit. “I love him. And I want to be with him.” Go on rub it

in some more. This is what you gotta do. “I was just looking for a good time to break up with you.”

“But when we made love that night, you…” He couldn’t continue to ask what he wanted.

“It was a test. For me. I wanted to know if I really love you or not. I tried. But I…I couldn’t lie. That’s why I’ve been

cold and distant to you these past days. I don’t…” She took a deep breathe, “I don’t love you, Marat.”

Marat was devastated when what she said hit him. It hit like a runaway freight train. So hard it almost broke him

to pieces. “How could you do this to me?” He was breathing so hard, like his chest was going to explode. He

was starting to get really red from anger.

Angela was trying really hard to contain herself and from keeping herself from going to Marat holding him and

telling him the real truth. “I’m sorry.” The words escaped her lips.

Then he blew up. He stood up, and swiped the table clean with his hands. The plates, glasses, utensils and every-

thing else crashed down to the floor. Angela stood up, stunned. She’s never seen him this mad before. Not even

when playing.

“You’re sorry? You’re sorry?! That’s all you have to say for yourself?” He said, pacing back and fort the room.

“I loved you so much, and you played with me!” He walked towards her, lunged at her almost, he put his hands on

her shoulder, his arms outstretched, pinning her to the wall behind her. They were face to face. She could see

the pain she’s caused him in his eyes. He was on the verge of tears.

She wanted to cry herself, but she fought it. She must stay strong. “How could you do this to me Gelya?!” He

stroked her hair. She closed her eyes. She would understand if he hurts her now. She’ll forgive him. His elbows

collapsed and he pinned her to the wall with his own body. His face against the wall, over her shoulder, his eyes

closed, she could feel him shiver. Her heart was pounding. She wanted to hold him, but she didn’t.

“Go.” He whispered, “Get out of here.”

“I’m really sorry, Marat.” She whispered back.

He walked away. “Just leave. Please, just leave.” He stood at the window, his hands gripping the windowsill. He

closed his eyes. “Just go before I hurt you.”

She walked towards the door. Marat didn’t see her tears fall. They were falling like waterfalls. When she got out,

Marat went on a rampage. Screaming, he destroyed everything he put his hands on. He smashed a chair on the wall

that destroyed it. He saw the bouquet of flowers she had given him days before and threw that at the center table in

the living room.


Behind the door, Angela fell to her knees, leaning on the door, crying as she heard the crashing and smashing

inside. But nothing could be louder than the crashing and breaking of her heart as well as Marat’s.

“I’m sorry, Marat. I’m sorry I had to tell you those lies.” She said, quietly. “I’m so sorry.” She struggled to stand up

and leave.


When the trashing stopped, Marat fell on the floor on his knees. He was exhausted. He crawled to a dark corner and

sat, elbows on knees and face in hands, crying.



Angela got a cab and went to the hotel she went to a couple of days ago. She took a room there where she took

her clothes to whenever she leaves, slowly so Marat wouldn’t notice. Up until that night, she couldn’t think of a

way of how to do what she had to. She had thought about just disappearing, vanishing without a trace. She figured

it was better for him to get hurt just one time and hate her, than see him in a prolonged agony watching her die.

But Marat gave her a way out when he mentioned the doctor’s name. She just had to ride on it, and she was

successful, if you can call it that.



She stayed at the hotel until she had to leave for her flight the next day.

[annie]

Chapter 33


JFK Airport November 1, 2005 4:30p.m.

Angela’s plane landed on the runway of the John F. Kennedy Airport. It was a long flight, but it felt a lot longer than it

actually was for her. The whole flight she was keeping herself from crying. She caught herself a couple of times

reaching for the phone and calling Marat. She didn’t, of course. That would have defeated the purpose of it all.

When the passengers were allowed to go out of the plane, she was the last one to get out. Her mom was waiting

for her.


When she met with her mom, she didn’t say a word. She didn’t even look at her. They left the airport and drove home to

their apartment, and not a word was said. When she finally settled in her bedroom, Maria just had to break the

silence already. She didn’t expect the reaction she got.

“Are you all right?” She asked softly, full of concern. “Are you hungry?”


Angela sat on the chair near the window, she looked outside to the people in the street. But her eyes were null of emotion.

Like no one was inside anymore. “Does it matter?” She asked back after a while. “I’m dead already anyway.” Her facial reaction

didn’t change, but her tears fell, it seem, by its self.


Seeing her daughter that way, it felt more painful for Maria than a being stabbed by a knife in the heart. Suddenly, she thought,

maybe this wasn’t a good idea after all.



New York City, November 3, 2005 8:00 a.m.


Angela was lying in bed awake, but with eyes shut. It’s like she doesn’t want to see the world or perhaps because her eyes were

just so heavy and tired. She’s been crying for two days now since she arrived. Suddenly, she heard a familiar

voice from outside her room. It was calling her name. He was calling her name. She knew who’s voice it was.

Marat. She couldn’t get up. Like there were restraints on her arms and legs. She called out his name. “Marat!

I’m in here!” She said, “I’m here in the room!”

“Angela! I’m here, where are you?” Marat yelled from outside.

“I’m here, can’t you hear me? I’m in my room!” She yelled back. Then suddenly her bedroom door swung open and there he was.

“Marat! You came.”

“I remembered. I promised you I’d remember, and I did. That’s why I’m here.” He said, coming closer to her. Then out of nowhere

three men wearing white scrubs came from behind him and held him back. “What are you doing?” Marat said, “Let go of me! Angela!” Marat

yelled at them.

“Marat! No! Let him go!” She screamed, “Let him go!! Marat!” She tried to stand up again but to no avail. They were pulling him out

of the room. “Wait! You can’t take him away! Marat!” She tried again to stand up with everything she had. And finally she succeeded. She

stood up and ran out the door after them. Her mom just stepped in from the balcony and saw her rushing out of her room.

“Mom, where is he? Where did they go?! Where did they take him?” She asked her mother. There was a look of panic in her eyes,

and Maria noticed it immediately.

“What are you talking about? Where is who?” She followed her wherever she went. “Who are they? And where did they take who?”

She asked, completely confused.

“Marat! He was here, they took him away!” Angela told her, crying hysterically. “Where did they take him mom?” She held on to her

mother, pleading, begging her to tell her where Marat is.

“Honey…Marat’s not here.” She said, suddenly realizing that her daughter must’ve been just dreaming. “He’s not here honey, it’s just

us. No one else. It’s just a dream.”

As she said that, Angela realized that it was indeed a dream. That’s why she couldn’t move earlier, that’s why Marat was there.

“It’s just a dream…it’s not real.” Angela said, repeating what her mom said to her, accepting it as the truth. “Right. He’s not gonna come.

It’s just a dream.” Suddenly she felt dizzy.

“Angela, are you okay?” Maria asked her. “Angela!”

Her knees got week and everything around her was moving. Then everything went black. It was a good thing her mom was holding her

up when she lost consciousness. She called Dr. Dane and he told her to take her to the hospital.

When she woke up, she was in a hospital bed. She’s been out for an hour according to the wall clock. She sat up on the bed and saw

her mom and Dr. Dane outside the window of her room talking. Dr. Dane saw her and told her mom and they came inside.

“How are you feeling?” Dr. Dane asked her.

“You’re the doctor.” Angela said, looking away. “How do you think I feel?”

“Angela!” Maria said, “I’m sorry Mark. She’s just not herself.”

“I understand.” Dr. Dane told Maria, “I’ll just go outside, let you two talk.”

“Thank you.”

After the doctor closed the door, it took a few minutes before Maria talked again.

“I told Dr. Dane, how you’ve been the last couple of days since you arrived.” She said, “I told him you haven’t been eating much.

You don’t go out of your room. You don’t talk to me.” Maria said the last part with great difficulty. Like something

was poking her heart. She took a deep breath to compose herself before she continued. “He said, you should

stay here at the hospital so they can watch over you. And I gave my consent.”

“Really?” Angela said, “Did you even think to consider asking me first if I wanted to be admitted?” She asked, with obvious

contempt. “Oh, that’s right…I’m already dead, who cares about what I think, right?” She taunted her mom.

Maria didn’t like what she said, slapped her. It was really more of frustration than anything else.

“Do you know how much I sacrificed to keep you alive?” She vented. “I worked my self to the bones just to get you the best

treatment possible! And you act like this?!”

“Do you know how much I sacrificed eight years ago so I don’t have to be here again?!” Angela answered. “I turned my back

on everything and everyone who had ever mean something to me because you promised I would be better and I

can go back to them and yet here I am, doing it all over again! You should’ve just let me die back then.” She said,

breaking in tears. “You made me believe I can have them back, you made me believe I can have a normal life! You

made me believe that I can be with Marat…do you not know that the hardest thing to do is leaving someone you

still love very much? And you made me do it not once but twice?!” She continued, “I might as well be dead, mom.

God knows my heart is!”

Maria, after hearing what Angela said, couldn’t help but cry too. She held her tightly. “I’m sorry, honey. I’m so sorry.” She kept

telling Angela as they cried together.


Moscow, Russia Same day. 5:30 p.m.


Marat has locked himself in his apartment for a couple of days after Angela left. He didn’t go out, didn’t talk to anyone, not even on

the phone. Other than the big bottle of vodka he got from Kazan, he was left by all by himself to think about and

take in what happened. He was heart broken. But more than that, he was angry. He was angry with himself for

not seeing it coming. For letting it happen. He was even angrier with Angela. The woman he loved so much he

had even thought about marrying and spending the rest of his life with. He pictured her having a good time with

some other man. He imagined they were having a grand time laughing at him and got even angrier.


That was two days ago. He was in the tub of warm water, with eyes closed, hands hanging out on either side, the other with a glass

of vodka. He has a nagging headache, a result of drinking for two straight days. But the pain he was feeling in

his chest was more than what he’s feeling in his head. It took effort just to lift his arm and raise the glass to his

lips for another sip of the beverage. He was about to drink it, when he stopped.

“What are you doing?” He asked the glass, but really asking himself. “What are you doing, Marat?” He closed his eyes, took a deep

breath and dumped the vodka in the water. “You can’t do this forever. This is what they want. You can’t let them

think they’ve won. They played you. She played you. You can’t let them win by going like this.” He started

crying. “If she thinks I’m going to lose my mind because she left me, she’s wrong. I’ll show her.” He wiped his

tears away. Right then, he realized what he should do. He needed to live his life. He needed to go on with it like

nothing ever happened. After all, the best revenge was to show Angela how quickly he can recover from that whole

thing, he thought. “I’ll show her.” He said. He got out of the tub, let the water drain, and took a shower to clean

himself up.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In the days following that, Marat has been up and about town. Going to parties, events, and functions left and right, and always with

different beautiful women. He made sure he was going to get photographed wherever he goes, hoping that Angela

will see them. He even went to Shanghai.


He planned on playing the tournament but changed his mind to the suggestion of his managers and coach. They weren’t confident

about the knee yet after all, and damaging it further or again would be bad. He still attended it though, for the heck

of it. He wanted to get out of Moscow for a while. Everywhere he looked, everywhere he go, he sees Angela and

he wanted to escape that. In Shanghai, there was a rumor that came out about him and the Chinese beauty queen.

He didn’t do anything to extinguish that rumor at all. Him plus other women in the news was always good in his

plan of revenge.


Back home he never missed a party either. He was at Dmitry Bulkin’s party, the 10 year of Kenzo party, and everything else that was

going to be highly publicized. Always showing up with a woman in his arm. He made sure to look happy and

loving life for the press.

But that is only when there are people around. At night, when it’s dark and he’s by himself, he still

succumbs to his loneliness and heartache. He tried to be in the company of other women, but failed miserably.


Once he was taking a woman with him to his apartment in an attempt to erase his loneliness. They were driving in his car. He checked

the rearview mirror then he remembered Angela. He remembered the way she looked that night, wearing the

white dress she borrowed from his sister. They were with his friend Leonid. He remembered how she looked

so beautiful. He remembered how she told him she loved him, and how much she looked so honest telling him

that. He remembered how they kissed in the rain, and how they drove to his apartment on that same street he

was driving now with this woman beside him. He remembered how they made love that night, and how divine

she looked in the moonlight.

He almost passed a red light, if the woman he was with didn’t tap his arm.

“Hey slow down, the light’s red.” She said. He stepped on the break abruptly. “Are you okay? You’ve been quiet since we left

the party.”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He said. That moment, he decided he just couldn’t do it. “Where do you live again, Ida?”

“It’s Inga. We passed it a couple of blocks ago, why?”

“I’m taking you home.” He said. Then he took the car to a U-turn and drove back around.

“I thought we were going to your apartment?” She asked him.

“I changed my mind.” He said, “I have something else to do.”

So he dropped her off in front of her building, didn’t even bother to come up the pad, and drove off quickly, until he reached the same

traffic light. It was red again. He stopped. He looked at himself in the mirror. He was alone again. He closed his

eyes, and banged the back of his head not too gently on his seat.


New York November 18, 2005


It’s been two weeks since Angela has been confined in the hospital. She met a twelve-year-old boy who was also admitted in the

cancer ward. He’d been newly admitted and it was by chance that she met him. She was reading a tennis magazine;

rather, she was staring at Marat in a tennis magazine when the boy entered her room.

“Hi!” The boy said, nonchalantly. “Can I come in?”

“You’re already inside, aren’t you?” She said, putting the magazine down on her side table.

“Sorry. I’m new here. My name is John. What’s yours?”

“Angela. What are you doing here?” She asked him. She wanted to be annoyed but felt to tired to. “Where are your parents?”

“They both go to work.” John said, “They come here at night.” He saw the magazine. “You like tennis? I do too. My dad plays

it. He used to teach me, until I got sick.” He opened it and scanned through the pages, “So, who’s you’re favorite

player? Andy Roddick?”

“No. Safin. Safin’s my…favorite.” She answered.

“Oh yeah, Safin! He just won Australian Open right? My mom said he’s hot…my dad doesn’t agree coz he thinks he’s hotter.

I don’t think so, but I really don’t care. I like the women. They’re all really pretty. Especially the Russians, Sharapova,

Dementieva, Kirilenko…They’re hot! What do you think?”

“I think you’re too young to even be thinking about it!” She said, smiling. She finds the kid amusing. That was the first time

she smiled since she got back from Moscow. She didn’t notice her mom, watching her with the kid at the door.

John took her hand were the patient tag was on, and read her name out. “A. Federova.” He said, “Wow! You’re Russian too!”

“Yeah, I am.” She said.

“Are all of you really beautiful?” John said, “I bet if you weren’t so pale, you’d be even prettier! I bet you’re even prettier

than Sharapova!” Then out of nowhere he asked, “Can you be my girlfriend?”

“What?!” She laughed, “You know, what? I’ll think about it. Okay?”

“Okay.” He let go of her hand. “Is it because of Safin?” He asked. “You think he’s more handsome than me?”

“Okay, kid, I think she needs to rest now. Why don’t you come by again later?” Maria came in.

“Oh, okay.” John said, “I’ll see you later Angela!”

Maria saw the magazine. She looked at Angela, and she looked away. She took the fresh flowers she brought and replaced the

ones in the vase. She was thinking about how Angela smiled at the mere mention of Marat’s name. She thought

about how she must feel happier if he was with her.

“Do you miss him?” She asked Angela. It took Angela several seconds to answer.

“There’s not a day, not an hour, not a minute that I don’t miss him.” Angela said, “He is…my whole being.”

“Do you want me to call him?” Maria asked, “Do you want me to tell him the truth.”

“No.” Angela said, firmly. “I’ve…accepted the whole situation now. And it’s better he doesn’t know.” She lied. Deep inside she

wants to be with him. “I don’t want him to know.”